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 .../________________/      running on 9999

 VOLUME TEN, NUMBER THIRTY-FIVE                          December 27, 2003

                          TABLE OF CONTENTS
                          The Editor's Note
                        NEWS, REPORTS, UPDATES
                          Calendar of Events
                   Expies Nominations Coming Up Fast
                            Recent Updates

                        12/20 Trivia Winners!
                           Free As a Bird
             Behind the Anger: An Interview With Barney

                             Clan News
           The Armed Forces of Legend Disband; Underworld Forms

                            The PK Front
                      Middleweight Tourney Results

                         The Stupidness of Yay
                           'Tis the Season
___                                                                   ___
\  |-----------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                      The Editor's Note                          |__\

Another year gone already. Time really does fly, it seems. Ptah and I are
heading out this next week -- moving from Austin to San Diego. Finally, a
light at the end of the chaos? Oh wait, that's mixing metaphors again.
Anyway, the movers were supposed to come this morning to start putting
our belongings into boxes. Boy, can I say we had real life hard coded
limits on how many items you can have in one room?

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a great holiday and that the new year
brings much peace, happiness and prosperity for you.

See you all after the 6th (estimated date of net reconnection).


___                                                                   ___
\  |-----------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                   LegendMUD Calendar of Events                  |__\
          [All times are system time unless otherwise specified]

              DECEMBER                         JANUARY
        Su M  Tu W  Th F  Sa            Su M  Tu W  Th F  Sa
            1  2  3  4  5  6                         1  2  3
         7  8  9 10 11 12 13             4  5  6  7  8  9 10
        14 15 16 17 18 19 20            11 12 13 14 15 16 17
        21 22 23 24 25 26 27            18 19 20 21 22 23 24
        28 29 30 31                     25 26 27 28 29 30 31
Wednesday, December  31st                    New Year's Eve
Thursday,  January    8th     7:30 pm        Q&A in the OOC Auditorium
Thursday,  January   15th     7:30 pm        Q&A in the OOC Auditorium
Thursday,  January   22nd     7:30 pm        Q&A in the OOC Auditorium
Thursday,  January   29th     7:30 pm        Q&A in the OOC Auditorium

Coming In January:
  Expies Nominations Begin

___                                                                   ___
\  |-----------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                  Get Those Thinking Caps On!                    |__\

It's December yet, but Expies are sneaking up on us fast! The nomination
ballots typically go out in early January, so get your thinking caps on
for who you want to nominate.

Think you'll forget before the ballots come out or want to share your
ideas with everyone else? Make an append to the Expies board in the OOC.
It is located in 3 places for your convenience:
  OOC, U     in the Immortal Office Complex by the discussion board 
  OOC, W     in the Auditorium by the welcome and news boards 
  OOC, N, W  in the Awards Lobby

Don't know or remember the categories? Check the Expies board for that,
too - it will have most of them.

Without your participation, the Expies cannot be a success. The more
people that take part in the nomination process, the less likely anyone
will feel like it's just the same 5 people as last year. So start

___                                                                   ___
\  |-----------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                        Recent Updates                           |__\

    /\                         CODE UPDATES
   /  \     
  /    \    GENERAL
 /_    _\     o Consider message now reads: "Your first impression is:"
   |  |       o Blinding arrows acquire a "viscous white" taint now.
   |  |       o Entrance sends sounds of the instrument to adjacent
   |  |         rooms.
   |__|       o Clarifies the message about personal tithes and makes
    /\        o AUX items can no longer have AC, stats or affects. ALL
   /  \         existing AUX items will automatically lose any AC, stats
  /    \        and affects they may have had.
 /_    _\     o ALL existing AUX containers will no longer hold more than
   |  |         4 items unless the contained items are ammo or singleammo.
   |  |     
   |  |     The last two items are to address all existing and prevent
   |__|     future AUX items with those properties (that are much too
    /\      nice once you can get 4 of them) from getting into the game
   /  \     accidentally.
  /    \    
 /_    _\   BUG FIXES
   |  |       o When you try to root underwater, it tells you that you
   |  |         can't root underwater, not that you can't root indoors.
   |  |       o Some cosmetic fixes for distracted, distraught and mean
   |__|         moods with actions.
    /\        o You will now keep aiming at your original target, even if
   /  \         another target with the same keyword enters your range. 
  /    \        So if you want to aim at the second,  you'll have to
 /_    _\       break aim.
   |  |       o Folks in your room will no longer get a message when you
   |  |         try to wear equipment that you can't put on because
   |  |         you're over rent.
   |__|       o Retreating into a wall will no longer stop a fight.
    /\        o Various internal fixes and changes -- please bug anything
   /  \         that seems unusual.
  /    \      o Having your charmy die in combat no longer stops a mob
 /_    _\       from hating you.
   |  |       o Failed calm messages now echo to the room.
   |  |     
   |  |     
   |__|                 HELP FILE UPDATES
   /  \     General Topics: 
  /    \         AUGUSTUS and HARKON
   |  |     
   |  |     
   |  |                        AREA UPDATES
    /\      If you want to suggest specific improvements or new additions
   /  \     to existing areas please don't hesitate to submit them with
  /    \    the idea/bug/typo commands or drop a mudmail to the builder
 /_    _\   currently responsible for the area (check AREAINFO).
   |  |     
   |  |     Doppels will no longer bleed and may have more of a
   |  |     personality of their own. Elementals on homunculi have
   |__|     descriptions when you look at them.
   /  \     1802 ALASKA
  /    \         Removes some stuff that could potentially cause crashes.
 /_    _\        Various bug/typo fixes.
   |  |          Removes some stuff that could potentially cause crashes.
   |__|          Removes some stuff that could potentially cause crashes.
   /  \          Secret doors should close quietly now.
  /    \    ANCIENT EGYPT
 /_    _\        Various bug/typo fixes. Burko changed and the river
   |  |          current pays attention to people better.
   |  |     ANCIENT GREECE
   |  |          Removes some stuff that could potentially cause crashes.
   |__|          Various bug/typo fixes.
    /\      ANCIENT INDIA
   /  \          Removes some stuff that could potentially cause crashes.
  /    \    ARABIAN NIGHTS
 /_    _\        Mobs that should have been using blindside and
   |  |          suckerpunch now will. Removes some stuff that could
   |  |          potentially cause crashes. Various bug/typo fixes.
   |  |     AZTECS
   |__|          Various bug/typo fixes. Removes some stuff that could
    /\           potentially cause crashes.
   /  \     BENGAL
  /    \         Mobs that should have been using blindside and
 /_    _\        suckerpunch now will. Various bug/typo fixes.
   |  |     BOSTON
   |  |          Mobs that should have been using topple now will.
   |  |          Various bug/typo fixes.
   |__|     CELTIC IRELAND
    /\           Rewords dream about baying dogs. Secret doors should
   /  \          close quietly now. Mobs understand how to use lights
  /    \         at night.
 /_    _\   THE CRUSADES
   |  |          Damage from dragon made more responsive to protections
   |  |          against his attacks. Dragon slayer pretitle a bit harder
   |  |          to get. More act responses & clues in the lost sister
   |__|          quest. Mobs will be more likely to walk home rather than
    /\           recalling. Rent adjustment on crossbow. Herdsman now
   /  \          sells butchered animals rather than live ones. Saladins
  /    \         young sons will be less inclined to join battles.
 /_    _\        Sleeping will be filled with various dreams. Friends of
   |  |          Saladin should be more responsive. Various bug/typo fixes.
   |  |          Removes some stuff that could potentially cause crashes.
   |__|          Various bug/typo fixes.
   /  \          Removes some stuff that could potentially cause crashes.
  /    \    GYPSY CARNIVAL
 /_    _\        Mobs that should have been using suckerpunch now will.
   |  |          New quest added. Various bug/typo fixes. Mobs that
   |  |          should have been using blindside and suckerpunch now
   |__|          will. Various bug/typo fixes.
    /\      The OOC
   /  \          Fixes an exit in Cheylas office.
  /    \    PORT OF LONDON
 /_    _\        Mobs that should have been using blindside and
   |  |          suckerpunch now will. Some tweaks to a quest. Various
   |  |          bug/typo fixes.
   |  |     ROMAN BRITAIN
   |__|          Certain mobs that dislike their evenings being
    /\           interrupted will be more likely to behave such. Bathing
   /  \          repeatedly will not feel as good. Removes some stuff
  /    \         that could potentially cause crashes. Various bug/typo
 /_    _\        fixes.
   |  |     SALEM
   |  |          Secret doors should close quietly now. Various bug/typo
   |  |          fixes.
   |__|     SAN FRANCISCO
    /\           Prospector understands how lights work in the dark.
   /  \          Removes some stuff that could potentially cause crashes.
  /    \         Secret doors should close quietly now. Various bug/typo
 /_    _\        fixes.
   |  |     SHERWOOD
   |  |          Fix for building crypts. Mobs that should have been
   |  |          using suckerpunch now will. Various bug/typo fixes.
   |__|     ST DENNIS ABBEY
    /\           Removes some stuff that could potentially cause crashes.
   /  \          The merchant will now light his light when it is night.
  /    \    TUDOR LONDON
 /_    _\         Various bug/typo fixes. Some changes to housing. Quickly
   |  |          should not be so spammy. If you have good balance, you
   |  |          may not slip on the gristle so much.
   |  |     VICEROYAL LIMA
   |__|          Removes some stuff that could potentially cause crashes.
    /\           Various bug/typo fixes.
  /    \         An if check regarding ritters has been fixed b be
 /_    _\        careful! Some response work. Fixes some problems with
   |  |          the stream and removes some stuff that could potentially
   |  |          cause crashes.
   |__|          The sun will rise/set appropriately each day according
    /\           to the region of the world it is in.
   /  \     
   |  |     WWI SOMME
   |  |          Various bug/typo fixes.
   /  \                    In Progress Area Updates
  /    \    
 /_    _\   This section is intended to share what builders are working
   |  |     on behind the scenes. It is not a perfect record of progress
   |  |     as all builders do not commit updates every week. Badgering
   |  |     builders about their progress will get you flogged.
    /\              Chimera          Midsummer's (Shakespeare play)
   /  \             Firefly          Medieval Japan
  /    \            Kae              Larderello (Dante's Inferno)
 /_    _\           Kaige            El Dorado
   |  |             Ladyace          Klein Update
   |  |             LadyAce/Sandra   Silk Road
   |  |             Nestor           Ancient Carthage
___                                                                    ___
\  |------------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|      LEGENDITES: Information Regarding the People of Our World   |__\

                 Vahn has reached 100 million experience!
                Varnel has reached 100 million experience!


                         12/20 Trivia Winners!

First place: Trygve & Zane, tied with 7 questions each
Second place: Lia, with 6 questions
Third place: Siachet & Buzzo, 4 each
Fourth place: Mip, 3 questions
Honorable Mention: Ladybug, Bacchus, Huma, Dolor, Suileach (1 each)


                           Free As a Bird

Preacher Kaine sat crossed-legged in the middle of his cell, surrounded
by a pentagram and flickering candles. Their fitful light played across
his gaunt features, a grimace of intense concentration knotting his brow.
It ran freely with perspiration, dripping down his beak of a nose and
leaving filthy runnel marks across his face. His eyes were tightly
clenched and his hands were bunched into white-knuckled fists. Whilst his
mind could travel freely, escaping the claustrophobic confines of the
cell, his earthly body was paying a heavy toll. Barely recognisable under
layers of grime and dirt, the stench emanating from him was as palpable
as a cloud of steam. Waxy skin, pale to the point of transparency, was
drawn tightly over his bones. They jutted out at odd and awkward angles
and his ribcage was painfully apparent. And yet, despite his obvious
degradation and miserable surroundings, a small twinkle of hope could be
seen in his face.

'...not much longer here, not much more, nearly there, must be sssoon,'
he muttered to the crow perched on his shoulder. 'The wheelsss are
turning, plansss are in motion, and people are on the case!' He startled
himself somewhat with the volume of his last sentence and looked around
nervously for the guard, who was nowhere to be seen. His voice dropped
back to an urgent whisper, 'I hear Mr. Archibald hasss been bombarding
them with technicalitiesss and legal precendent, Diasss-Jax hasss been
testing the sssecurity arrangementsss of the castle, Percy hasss been
baking up food with cleverly concealed... erm... beauty productsss hidden
inside and Marcel hasss been... has been... damn him...' He faltered for
a moment, eyes blinking heavily. Dark, dark rings were plainly visible
under his sunken eyes, and it was obvious that he hadn't slept in many
days. Eyelids drooping, his head began to nod forward onto his chest. The
faint echoes of lusty female laughter floated in on a faint breeze.

The effect was immediate. Kaine's head shot back and his eyes bulged in
wild panic as he scooted backwards into a corner of the cell, scattering
candles in his wake. 'NOOO!! No more! Leave me alone!' he shrieked, hands
waving in front of him as if to ward off unseen assailants. The
intangible female voices seemed to sigh with disappointment before slowly
fading away to nothingness. His crow stared back down at him from the
refuge it had taken high on the window ledge, and croaked it's disgust.
'Oh, ssshut up,' he retorted 'Sssee how you'd like it if sssuccubi
'visited' you every sssingle time you fell asleep!' The crow cocked it's
head to one side as if to consider this, before puffing out it's chest
feathers. Kaine snorted and scowled. 'Damn that Marcel, I ask for
rampaging Demons and he sssendsss me insatiable dream flooziesss. Enough
already!' He painfully pulled himself back onto his knees and tried to
right the candles he had demolished, although many of them had been
broken and all of them extinguished. Sighing, he gathered them up and
shoved them under the cell's cot before plopping himself down onto it.
Slowly, carefully, an elegantly manicured hand reached through the bars
and tapped him on the shoulder.

Queen MoiraGwyn drew back her hand and smiled as the preacher launched
himself at least 3 feet into the air before crashing down into an untidy
heap. 'Don't sssneak up on me like that.' whined the voice from within
the heap. He extracted himself slowly and stood up, squinting through the
bars to examine his visitor. He inhaled sharply, realising who it was,
and took a couple of involuntary steps backwards. Blood rushed to his
head, and roared in his ears, drowning out most of the words that the
Queen was saying. He could see her lips moving, talking to him, but his
attention was solely focused on what she had in her hand. A key. Simple,
black, unadorned. His key. To his cell. A crowd of thoughts jostled
through his head, clamouring for attention. Public flogging? Torture?
Exe... execution? He was still backing away when his hearing finally

'...celebration of the Yule season we have decided that you are to be
freed.' finished the Queen. She observed him carefully. Kaine stopped.
His mouth opened and closed, and he stared stupidly, looking and feeling
like a fish out of water. Finally his eyes flickered rapidly - his brain
eventually finding a gear it could start in...

'Wh. Whu.. whu.. whut?' he stammered.

The Queen waited patiently before repeating, 'You're free.' With that she
took the key, placed it into the lock on the cell door and clicked it
open. The door swung inwards with a horrible juddering screech. 'Oh, and
I've bought a friend who wants to say good-bye. Masha?' The Queen smiled
mischievously before stepping to one side, revealing another figure
standing back in the shadows.

Kaine didn't wait to see if it really was her, he let out a deafening
banshee wail and flew through the door in a blur, his footsteps a
staccato drumroll on the flagstones. He blew past the two visitors and
disappeared up the corridor, skating around the far bend on one foot. The
Queen shook her head and smiled to herself before clanging the cell door
shut again.

Ages later, Kaine stood in the middle of what used to be his
semi-permanent encampment. It is tangled and overgrown, and nothing of
use is left - everything has long ago been looted. He pauses to examine
the fine shooting iron cradled in one arm - he had been allowed to pick
up his confiscated weapons before leaving Carian Trag. He sights down the
barrel and feels it's reassuring weight in his hand. Aiming carefully at
a rusted tin can across the clearing he squeezes off a measured shot. It
remains untouched. He sighs and curses his deteriorated eyesight - the
eons spent in a gloomy dungeon have done him no favours. Reverentially,
he carefully places the weapon into a shallow hole he has dug in the
middle of the encampment. Making the sign of the cross over the hole, he
murmurs a few words from his Bible before kicking the dirt back into it.
Job done, he turns and hobbles away.


Kaine will no longer be known as:

Short: a fire and brimstone preacher
Long:  A fire and brimstone preacher is here, Bible in one hand, gun in
       the other.

but shall be recognized as:

Short: A fire and brimstone preacher
Long:  An avaricious preacher malingers here, slyly sizing people up for
       a donation.


                Behind the Anger: An Interview With Barney
                    Exclusive by Zane, the dead guy...

Zane: All right, we're recording! In what may well be a once in a
lifetime opportunity, I've managed to get an exclusive interview with
Legend's own Barney, otherwise known as 'the angry Sidhe'. Thanks so much
for granting me this interview, Barney!

Barney: Don't mention it, Zane... Better get started. Fifty nine seconds
and counting.

Zane: Ehehehe... Right... So, Barney, I think the question on everyone's
mind is... what exactly are you so angry about anyway?

Barney: (uttering a low growl) Well, Zane, for starters, I'd have to say
all those SL runs kind of piss me off. It never fails. Pretty much every
day, out of the blue, a whole group of heavily armed adventurers comes
barreling into my little room here. They beat the crap out of me, then
set about exterminating all the local wildlife, all the dogs and birds
and stuff. Frankly, it's getting a little old.

Zane: So you think your anger and psychotic bloodlust are pretty much

Barney: Well, Zane, how would you feel if people invaded your home, beat
you senseless, and murdered all your pets?

Zane: Hmm... Good point...

Barney: That, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm living in a dirty
little thicket under a hill, right next to the Shadowlands, of all
places. You try getting a good night's sleep when you've got to put up
with the moaning of the damned just next door, day in and day out.

Zane: Man, you just can't win. The Shadowlands upset you, and you're
irritated by the very folks who go in to clean the place out.

Barney: (nodding) It's a rough life. Oh, uh... thirty three seconds.

Zane: Hmm... Well... If you're so unhappy living here, why don't you just
move? I mean, the ancient world is a big place. Surely you could find
some better accommodations.

Barney: Zane, I grew up here. I've lived here all my life. That, and
Oonagh lives just down the road, and she's a total hottie. Err... don't
tell her I said that... Anyway, I don't see why I should have to leave my
home, the only home I've ever known, just because of a bunch of
violent-tempered explorers. No, I'll continue to tough it out. I have my
pride, Zane.

Zane: (nodding) No doubt... You seem like a pretty reasonable guy right
now. It's hard to believe you're usually a murderous sociopath. Have you
tried just talking to these people? Maybe work out your differences in a
non-violent way?

Barney: (laughing and shaking his head) No way, Zane. These are people
who, when they first roll into town, the first thing they do is
exterminate all the small animals before moving on to people's children
and pets. Even the self-styled 'heroes' started out that way, so don't
give me that confused look. I don't know what kind of twisted value
system can justify practicing one's combat skills on field mice and
babies, but those aren't people you negotiate with... and you've got six

Zane: Well, Barney, I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties, but
hopefully this interview will help others to understand your position a
little better. Maybe now the world will see that there's more to you than
just that angry facade... Say, are you all right? Why are you staring at
me like that?


You hear someone's death cry.
     ___                                                          ___
     \  |--------------------------------------------------------|  /
     /__|                     Clan News                          |__\

     The Armed Forces of Legend were disbanded on December 5th, 2003.
       The Underworld clan was formed on Sunday, December 14, 2003.

There are currently 21 RP clans and 4 PK clans. This leaves open slots for
six (6) more clans to form. For more information, read HELP CLAN and see
the clan information list via the CLANS command while logged into the
game. For a basic handbook and reference guide for players interested in
starting and running a clan, we recommend that before you even type FORM,
you visit:
     ___                                                          ___
     \  |--------------------------------------------------------|  /
     /__|                    The PK Front                        |__\

                      Middleweight Tourney Results

Congratulations to Shu, winner of the semi-annual Middleweight PK Tourney!
Congrats also to Ladybug and Malandrino, who tied for 2nd place. Fortuna
took 3rd place and Tazus 4th!

Here's how it all went down....

Round 1: Ladybug killed Arlan, Malandrino killed Crank, Fortuna killed
Rilp, and Shu killed Tazus. Oli had a BYE.

Round 2: Tazus killed Oli, Ladybug killed Rilp (Rilp is eliminated),
Fortuna killed Malandrino, Shu killed Crank (Crank is eliminated), and
Arlan had a BYE.

Round 3: Tazus killed Arlan (Arlan is eliminated), Ladybug kills Malandrino,
Fortuna kills Oli (Oli is eliminated). Shu had a BYE.

Round 4: Fortuna killed Tazus (Tazus is eliminated), Melandrino kills Shu,
and Ladybug has a BYE.

Round 5: Shu killed Ladybug, Melandrino kills Fortuna (Fortuna is eliminated)

Round 6: Shu kills Ladybug and Malandrino.
Malandrino had to depart, so a tie is declared for 2nd.


Four weeks ago there were 61 pk-related deaths involving 47 different
characters. There was one string of 42 multis. Of those 46 characters, 18
of them were accept all and 22 of them were PKE at the time. There were
21 pke vs pke battles that ended in death. There were 77 PKE characters
and 887 PKOK characters.

Three weeks ago there were 38 pk-related deaths involving 25 different
characters. Of those 25 characters, 14 of them were accept all and 11 of
them were PKE at the time. There were 11 pke vs pke battles that ended in
death. There were 77 PKE characters and 885 PKOK characters.

Two weeks ago there were 44 pk-related deaths involving 34 different
characters. Of those 34 characters, 16 of them were accept all and 19 of
them were PKE at the time. There were 15 pke vs pke battles that ended in
death. There were 77 PKE characters and 881 PKOK characters.

The Lords of Justice, the Grendels, and the Infernals have maintained the
most active members over the past several weeks. The holiday spirit and
all that good will toward men seems to have cut into the urge to provide
Sandra Claus with suitable presents, err... sacrifices. The Necromancers,
Syndicate and the Underworld have seen little action lately. The Seven
Circles, Intempesta Nox, Order of the Scroll, NPH, Society of Allies,
Clan Smashum, the Agrabah Mafia, The Avengers and the Knights of Legend
have each had one member involved in pkill over the past several weeks.

This past week there were 34 pk-related deaths involving 29 different
characters. Of those 29 characters, 14 of them were accept all and 12 of
them were PKE at the time. There were 12 pke vs pke battles that ended in
death. There are 77 PKE characters and 889 PKOK characters. So come on,
get YOUR name up in lights! We can't report it if you don't tell us!

If you witness or commit any glorious or nefarious deeds, send a short
report to us at the LT. If you are looking for a fight, recruiting, or
anything else related to PK (not necessarily PK Clan related), send it
in! It's free AND you'll get a prize token! Be a celebrity, the envy of
all your friends! Tick off your enemies or just tell your side of the
story! The possibilities are endless -- act today!!

             /                       \
        o O | Wonder what folks are   |
  `\|||/    | doing over at LegendMUD?|
   (o o)     \_______________________/

                      The Stupidness of Yay

One day, many years ago, Yay was walking to the well to get some water.

But, being a rather dim-witted lad, he fell down the well.

He managed to survive the fall but wasn't able to climb back up.

And so, he spent many years in the well, drinking the water and eating
the food people threw down to him.

A few years later, a witch was wandering by when she saw Yay in the well.

Wanting to help, she summoned an angel to rescue Yay from the well.

As he had been by himself for many years, Yay didn't speak a lot, but he
managed to say what had happened to him for the last few years:
"Absholutely nuffink".

Even though could hardly speak, let alone heal people, Yay had always
wanted to become a druid, and decided it was time to learn how.

In the following years, Yay became a druid, and even learned some of how
to create things using magic.

And to this day, Yay has been healing people using all of his knowledge,
trying to make up for the years he lost living in the well.


                         'Tis the Season
Dawn greets Salem. A tall, agile silhouette slips down from the roof of
the lavish country manor, shotgun over one shoulder, swearing to himself
in a language that was dead before Christ was born. Pieces of reindeer
fur fell down like a soft shower around him, but the primary target
remained unhurt.

Marcel Alexander, zero -- Santa Claus, seven.  

The Legendary Times is published by the immortals of LegendMUD. Please send
replies, additions, or corrections to our address at for
inclusion in the next edition. All subscription options are now handled
at this url:
For RP submissions, copyright ownership remains with the author. We do
reserve the right to moderate the forum and edit or reject any submission.
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