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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
 VOLUME ELEVEN, NUMBER FOUR                            February 29, 2004
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

                         TABLE OF CONTENTS
                         The Editor's Note

                       NEWS, REPORTS, UPDATES
                         Calendar of Events
              Immortal Application Deadline: March 1st
                        2003 Expies Results
                   Trivia Challenge Final Results
                           Recent Updates

                            LEGENDITES

                           Renouncement

                             Clan News
                      The Syndicate Disbanded
                       The Infernals Disband
                       Clan Smashum Disbands
                          Physician Wanted

                            The PK Front

                         On Being a Surgeon
                          The Dead of Night
                       Be He Friend... Or Foe?
                      When Good Slippers Go Bad
___                                                                   ___
\  |-----------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                      The Editor's Note                          |__\
   '-----------------------------------------------------------------'

                           Happy Leap Day!

February's wrapping up and we're moving into March... that means we've
just seen a bunch of large changes to the code and areas in Celebration
of Legend's 10th Anniversary and in some ways we're still breaking them
in. Thanks to everyone for their patience and understanding as things
settle into routine once again.

We've got just three months until our Summer Odyssey begins in June, so
keep those ideas coming! Suggestions that you drop into the idea channel
now, may very well show up this summer. Many people complain about
certain skills being useless -- this is a great opportunity to give some
ideas on how they can be improved and various ways they can be used in
the world. Several of the mini-quests added lately have been added to
address such issues. And as an added bonus, each idea gets you another
entry in the bug lotto!

Have a great week!

-Kaige
___                                                                   ___
\  |-----------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                   LegendMUD Calendar of Events                  |__\
   '-----------------------------------------------------------------'
          [All times are system time unless otherwise specified]

                                MARCH
                         Su M  Tu W  Th F  Sa
                             1  2  3  4  5  6
                          7  8  9 10 11 12 13
                         14 15 16 17 18 19 20
                         21 22 23 24 25 26 27
                         28 29 30 31
 
Monday,    March      1st      11:59 pm   Immortal Applications Due     
Thursday,  March      4th       7:30 pm   Q&A in the OOC Auditorium 
Saturday,  March      6th       TBA       Holi Celebration
Thursday,  March     11th       7:30 pm   Q&A in the OOC Auditorium 
Thursday,  March     18th       7:30 pm   Q&A in the OOC Auditorium 
Thursday,  March     25th       7:30 pm   Q&A in the OOC Auditorium 

Coming In March:
  The Semi-Annual Heavyweight PK Tournament
  March Madness Tinyplot
___                                                                   ___
\  |-----------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|          Immortal Application Deadline: March 1st               |__\
   '-----------------------------------------------------------------'

Monday night is the deadline for Immortal Applications. If you are
interested in applying to become an immortal, the next round of apps will
be in September. Be sure to speak to the appropriate department head
about your proposed project _before_ you submit your application.

Additional information on Becoming an Immortal at LegendMUD can be found
by reading HELP APPLICATION online as well as pointing your browser to:

       http://www.legendmud.org/Reference/documents.html

The individual links to take you directly to the important pages are:

THE IMMORT CODE OF CONDUCT
   http://www.legendmud.org/Reference/imm_conduct.html
   
IMMORT PROPOSAL REVIEW PROCESS
   http://www.legendmud.org/Reference/proposals/app_vote.html

THE GENERAL APPLICATION FOR IMMORTING
   http://www.legendmud.org/Reference/proposals/gen_app.html

THE ADMINISTRATION PROPOSAL
   http://www.legendmud.org/Reference/proposals/admin_prop.html

THE BUILDER PROPOSAL
   http://www.legendmud.org/Reference/proposals/builder_prop.html

THE CODING PROPOSAL
   http://www.legendmud.org/Reference/proposals/code_prop.html

THE PUBLIC RELATIONS PROPOSAL
   http://www.legendmud.org/Reference/proposals/pr_prop.html

Apologies for forgetting to run this notice over the past month. =(
___                                                                   ___
\  |-----------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                     2003 Expies Results                         |__\
    '-----------------------------------------------------------------'

On February 20th, LegendMUDs 10th Annual Expies Awards Ceremony was held
in the OOC Auditorium and various players and immortals in the mud
community were recognized for their contributions. The full list of
winners from all years can be found at:

           http://www.legendmud.org/Community/expie.php

The post-its board has been wiped clean and will remain in the Awards
Lobby, the Entrance to the Immortal Complex and the Auditorium so people
can feel free to note down memorable things during the year. The post-its
are recognizable in a room as 'Brightly colored post-its have been stuck
to the wall as Expies reminders.'

Thanks again to everyone who participated in the nomination process and the
final voting to recognize the efforts of the many people who put so much of
themselves into the mud throughout the year.

___                                                                   ___
\  |-----------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                  Trivia Challenge Final Results                 |__\
    '-----------------------------------------------------------------'

The top 10 finalists came to the championship finale on the 28th with the
following scores:

       1. Dolor 37                         6. CyrusHarding 12                 
       2. Trygve 28                        7. Zhuge, Kaine: 9                 
       3. Siachet 25                       8. Somar 7                         
       4. UggaBagugga 20                   9. Jupiter, Lia 5                  
       5. L'espanaya 17                   10. Bainsol 4                       

In the end, Trygve took home first place, just squeaking past Dolor in
Double Overtime! 3rd place was a tie between Somar (coming from behind)
and Siachet! UggaBagugga, L'espanaya, and Kaine took 4th, and Zhuge,
CyrusHarding, and Lia tied for 5th! Good game everyone!

-LadyAce

___                                                                   ___
\  |-----------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                        Recent Updates                           |__\
   '-----------------------------------------------------------------'

    /\                         CODE UPDATES
   /  \     
  /    \    MISC CHANGES:
 /_    _\     o DTs now eat strings again!
   |  |       o DTs now eat owned items.  If it's not your owned item
   |  |         you'll pay a price in experience for destroying someone
   |  |         else's item.
   |__|       o Stolen items may be used again (equipped or USE command,
    /\          not coupons)
   /  \       o Mobs with multiple attacks will now move to the next
  /    \        target if they kill their current one and have remaining
 /_    _\       attacks.
   |  |     
   |  |     BUG FIXES:
   |  |       o Building a house now capitalizes the first word of the
   |__|         room name.
    /\        o Pretitle/post-title bug squashed.
   /  \       o Whacky vial desc bug fixed.
  /    \      o Spells becoming permenant bug fixed.
 /_    _\     o Rock/paper/scissors format changed so they can't be
   |  |         emotes.
   |  |       o Inciting someone who is not fighting no longer sets their
   |  |         pk timer.
   |__|       o You'll have a harder time hitting something while blind.
    /\        o Disguise short desc no longer shows in tells.
   /  \       o Summoning doppelgangers in the middle of combat will no
  /    \        longer allow them to participate against opponents that
 /_    _\       can see illusions.
   |  |       o Overdosing is much less intense for morphine and opium.
   |  |       o Overdose messages should now be visible to onlookers.
   |  |       o Skill lag adjusted for inject.
   |__|       o It is now more difficult to inject a moving or alert
    /\          target.
   /  \       o Disguises will be removed when you go ooc.
  /    \      o You'll no longer see the name of somebody sending tells
 /_    _\       if they're not visible to you.  Instead you'll see the
   |  |         standard somebody/someone.
   |  |       o Fix for pke stealing from corpses/owned containers.
   |  |       o Entering the game shouldn't feel like it's taking
   |__|         forever.
    /\        o Fight messages that strip off the article from a weapon's
   /  \         short description should now look right colorwise.
  /    \      o Crashing bugs fixed.
 /_    _\   
   |  |     TYPO FIXES:
   |  |       o Extra space removed from sweet mood. 
   |  |     
   |__|     
    /\                           HELPFILE UPDATES
   /  \     
  /    \    General Topics:
 /_    _\        DEATHTRAP, RPS, STRING
   |  |     
   |  |     Skill Topics:
   |  |          INJECT, MEDICATE
   |__|     
    /\      
   /  \                           AREA UPDATES
  /    \    
 /_    _\   If you want to suggest specific improvements or new additions
   |  |     to existing areas please don't hesitate to submit them with
   |  |     the idea/bug/typo commands or drop mudmail to the builder
   |  |     currently responsible for the area (check AREAINFO to find
   |__|     out!).
    /\      
   /  \        Thanks to everyone that submitted bug/typo/idea reports!
  /    \    
 /_    _\   Some areas that had funky-looking disguises have been updated
   |  |     to make them complete sentences.
   |  |     
   |  |     Fixes a bug with the mana quest. The new perm light that got
   |__|     added will actually be perm now.
    /\      
   /  \     ANCIENT INDIA
  /    \         Various bug/typo fixes. Room title casing issues fixed.
 /_    _\        Clarifies the dolphin people keep reporting as being out
   |  |          of place -- it is a river dolphin.
   |  |     
   |  |     BENGAL
   |__|          Vial of opium changed. Puts a box in the inn. Some mobs
    /\           are more responsive.
   /  \     
  /    \    CELTIC IRELAND
 /_    _\        Some mobs will be more responsive. Various bugs/typos fixed.
   |  |     
   |  |     THE CRUSADES
   |  |          Changes to the dragon slayer post-title. Some mobs are
   |__|          more responsive. Spyglass and rope changed slightly to
    /\           bring in spec. Various bug/typo fixes.
   /  \     
  /    \    FRENCH INDIAN WAR
 /_    _\        A new quest should work properly now.
   |  |     
   |  |     GENERIC ANIMALS
   |  |          Several more generic animals can be skinned for their
   |__|          fur or hide.
    /\      
   /  \     HOSPITALLER MALTA
  /    \         A few new boards at the inns, some tweaks to Dragut and
 /_    _\        the white shark, a few fun tweaks to Death, another fix
   |  |          to the rosebush, and various bug/typo fixes and other
   |  |          tweaks.
   |  |     
   |__|     KLEINSTADT
    /\           Various bug/typo fixes. XP tweaked on some mobs. Some
   /  \          quest problems fixed. Wheelbarrow and cart updated to
  /    \         prevent crashes.
 /_    _\   
   |  |     OOC
   |  |          Valentine merchandise is no longer available. Various
   |  |          bug/typo fixes.
   |__|     
    /\      PICTISH COUNTRY
   /  \          Various bug/typo fixes. XP tweaked on some mobs.
  /    \    
 /_    _\   PIRATE'S DEN
   |  |          Northside mobs have been tweaked some - approach with
   |  |          caution!
   |  |     
   |__|     PORT OF LONDON
    /\           Some mobs will be more responsive. Various bug/typo
   /  \          fixes. Some mobs are more responsive.
  /    \    
 /_    _\   SALEM, MASS
   |  |          New shopkeeper added.
   |  |     
   |  |     SAN FRANCISCO
   |__|          New mini quest, some mobs will be more responsive.
    /\           Various bug/typo fixes.
   /  \     
  /    \    SHERWOOD
 /_    _\        New mini-quest added. Various bug/typo fixes.
   |  |     
   |  |     SOUTH SEAS
   |  |          Problem with an item fixed. Some mobs are more
   |__|          responsive. Various bug/typo fixes.
    /\      
   /  \     ST DENNIS ABBEY
  /    \         Shades/spirits have changed some, take caution.
 /_    _\   
   |  |     TORTUGA
   |  |          Smithy has honed his abilities slightly.
   |  |     
   |__|     1802 ALASKA, 1930'S PITTSBURGH, ABORIGINAL DEAMTIME, AFRICAN
    /\      SAVANNA, ANCIENT EGYPT, ARABIAN NIGHTS, AZTECS, BEOWULF,
   /  \     CASABLANCA, GYPSY CARNIVAL, KLEINSTADT, LOTP, MELBOURNE,
  /    \    MISC, ROMANIA, SEONI JUNGLE, VICEROYAL LIMA, WW1 SOMME
 /_    _\        Various bug/typo fixes.
   |  |     
   |  |     
   |  |                    In Progress Area Updates
   |__|     
    /\      This section is intended to share what builders are working
   /  \     on behind the scenes. It is not a perfect record of progress
  /    \    as all builders do not commit updates every week. Badgering     
 /_    _\   builders about their progress will get you flogged.     
   |  |          
   |  |          Nestor        Ancient Carthage
   |  |          Kae           Larderello (Dante's Inferno)
   |__|          Rufus         SL Expansion
___                                                                    ___
\  |------------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|      LEGENDITES: Information Regarding the People of Our World   |__\
   '------------------------------------------------------------------'

                Brutus has reached 100 million experience!
                Cheap has reached 300 million experience!

               =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

                            Renouncement

Many years ago, I came to these lands seeking adventure and new
challenges; of these, I found many, some that challenged my faith. I
sought out many people in my travels one of which was the honorable Abbot
Suger. Honorable!!?  Ha! I recently discovered that he is hoarding a huge
treasure trove while claiming poverty to all those who came seeking his
help. I took this opportunity to seek him out; he of course denied the
accusations and cast me out, however the brethren guided me to a man of
pure heart, honor and loyalty. Bishop Higbald is a grand man. He has
donned me with the title of a priest and sent me forth in the world to
spread his wisdom and stop the tyranny of the likes of Suger!

Hence, I have discarded the name, which the Abbot gave to me, and I will
no longer be known as:

Arturo Ni'Eyrinn
Grey eyes piercing your very soul, a careworn priest laments sadly.

However, I shall now be referred to as:

a quiet country priest
A wandering priest quietly prays for your soul.

     ___                                                          ___
     \  |--------------------------------------------------------|  /
     /__|                     Clan News                          |__\
        '--------------------------------------------------------'

  The Syndicate was disbanded on February 3rd because of low membership.
       The Infernals clan was disbanded on February 22nd by Talia.
            Clan Smashum was disbanded by Grunt on February 25th.

               =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

                           Physician Wanted

Intempesta Nox, the premiere community for things that go bump in the
night, is currently looking for like-minded individuals with an aptitude
for the medical arts.  Experience preferred but training can be provided.
 Responsibilities include staying the effects of decomposition, caring
for a comatose vampiress and the possible conducting of nefarious medical
experiments.  Background in research pertaining to porphyria and/or
anemia and a supply of morphine would be an asset. For more information
or to apply please contact Malicious.

               =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

There are currently 20 RP clans and 2 PK clans. This leaves open slots
for ten (10) more clans to form. For more information, read HELP CLAN and
see the clan information list via the CLANS command while logged into the
game. For a basic handbook and reference guide for players interested in
starting and running a clan, we recommend that before you even type FORM,
you visit: http://www.legendmud.org/Reference/gm.html.
     ___                                                          ___
     \  |--------------------------------------------------------|  /
     /__|                    The PK Front                        |__\
        '--------------------------------------------------------'

Two weeks ago, the Grendels had the most members involved in pk
skirmishes and were closely followed by the Lords of Justice and The
Underworld and and the Infernals each fielded a trio of members that
week. The following clans each had at least one member involved in pkill:
the NPH, Seven Circles, the IRA, the Order of the Scroll and the Knights
of Legend.

Two weeks ago there were 77 pk-related deaths involving 35 different
characters and several string of multi-kills that accounted for 43 of the
deaths. Of those 35 characters, 18 of them were accept all and 23 of them
were PKE at the time. There were 60 pke vs pke battles that ended in
death. There were 11 robberies reported. There were 83 PKE characters and
928 PKOK characters.

The Grendels remained on top with the most members involved in pkill this
past week. The Underworld was close behind with the Lords of Justice
right behind them. The Knights of Legend had a pair of members involved
with pkill. The following clans had one member involved in pkill this
past week: the Society of Allies and the Order of the Scroll.

This past week there were 33 pk-related deaths involving 18 different
characters. Of those 18 characters, 6 of them were accept all and 12 of
them were PKE at the time. There were 29 pke vs pke battles that ended in
death. There were 10 robberies reported. There are 85 PKE characters and
932 PKOK characters. So come on, get YOUR name up in lights! We can't
report it if you don't tell us!

If you witness or commit any glorious or nefarious deeds, send a short
report to us at the LT. If you are looking for a fight, recruiting, or
anything else related to PK (not necessarily PK Clan related), send it
in! It's free AND you'll get a prize token! Be a celebrity, the envy of
all your friends! Tick off your enemies or just tell your side of the
story! The possibilities are endless -- act today!!

              _______________________
             /                       \
        o O | Wonder what folks are   |
  `\|||/    | doing over at LegendMUD?|
   (o o)     \_______________________/
ooO_(_)_Ooo________________________________________________________________
_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|___
__|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|

                         On Being a Surgeon

All I wanted was a nice little medical practice set up in London. I would
cure people of their ills and live out my life in relative peace and
comfort. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that my life would turn
out this way.

I applied to several English universities in order to pursue my chosen
career and was daunted at every turn. It seems that certain long-held,
old-fashioned prejudices regarding the feminine gender precludes a woman
from acquiring a medical degree in England. I finally became accepted by
a university in Paris. At long last, I became a physician, and soon
found, to my surprise, that all of my studies had not prepared me for
what I was to see when I ventured out into the field.

               =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

                          The Dead of Night

On the village square of Xemxija the goodwife Maria reads a neighboring
farm girl's destiny. She shivers violently and a gasp escapes her lips 'I
see death in your future!'

The girl looks at her fiancee and giggles nervously.

'Fools! They rise!' Her eyes jet black, the goodwife Maria hisses, 'Stay
away from the church!'

In Britannia the forests outside of Aquae Sulis grow quiet. The Bacaudae
no longer terrorize travelers, something more malicious is keeping the
bandits at bay. A shadow lingers at the sandstone gate...searching.

An uneasiness grows in the port of London. More bodies than ever are
turning up... bled to death.

In a Romanian town rumors of vile creatures raised from the dead run
rampant. All strangers are eyed with suspicion especially after dusk.

In the dead of night, a guard notes an increase in darkly cloaked
travelers through Nottingham. He hears a woman cry out from the chapel at
the sharp turn in the road but lacks the courage to investigate.

Deep within the Sultan's palace Scheherezade whispers quietly to the
children. 'Gather around, I have an important story to tell you. There
are some things worse than evil magicians and dark djinns. A shadow is
growing across the sands... She has lay claim on them... and they are
seeking her.

'They will rise, Intempesta Nox will be rebuilt...'

               =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

                       Be He Friend... Or Foe?
 
'Well... first he came closer to her. Very quietly, we did not even see
him enter before he was upon her.'  The 8 year-old shifted from foot to
foot as he spoke.

Al-Suol nodded, 'And then what happened.'

'He asked her something -- it must have been for a source of light
because she wove her hands and created a magical orb of light for him.'

'And then?' The elder persisted anxiously.

'Instead of going, he stayed and they talked. For a very long time.'

A few people in the room shifted uneasily.

'She rested beneath a date palm tree and was replenishing for magic. He
sat beside her and they stayed there talking openly for many hours. Even
into the darkness. I remember because when I came back out to get my toy
and they were there and he turned to look at the tower. Probably because
he shouldn't have been there talking to her and people would worry. I
don't know.' The boy's imagination seemed to whir as he spoke. 'Maybe
they would get mad and go after him and... he seemed like he didn't want
to stop talking with her and... they were smiling and talking and
laughing and he was supposed to be helping hashish dealers and.. acting
secret and killing people with his BIG knife and...'

The adults chuckled at the endearing young boy.

'It was like they knew each other because they talked sooo long and sat
close and smiled and never thought of going away...' The boy nodded at
himself.

'Was the salamander there with her? Did he respond in any way?' A man had
just entered briskly into the room, late as usual.  But this particular
man's tardiness was forgiven- he was a castle guard who joined the locals
in their attempts to watch over the Kingdom and the family.  He removed a
heavy cloak and sat amongst them.

The boy stared off, pondering. 'I don't remember. If he was there, he
must have been quiet.'

'Tell us of the man who was speaking to her. Are you sure about who he
was?' Ali, a local man, was enquiring.

'Why would she speak to someone of that man's ilk,' interrupted Fatima,
her question directed towards the elder.

Al-Suol mused, 'Are you suggesting this is the first time she has not
acted as you expected? My dear, it is precisely those actions which spurn
these meetings, is it not? The woman deserves looking after- by us all!
Or did you wish us to return the books from the school to the castle, and
the clothes bundles left at the mosque- for the needy..' She cast a
disapproving look at her younger friend.

'That is not what I meant,' Fatima protested, bristling
slightly. 'Perhaps she does not realize is of the tower...?'

'She does,' the boy spoke up again. 'He told her when they spoke.'

'How did she respond?'

'I don't think she cared too much. I saw him tell her the truth. And then
she asked questions and expected good answers and...' The boy seemed to
wrack his brain. 'He told her stuff. I think she wasn't as surprised at
what he does, as HE was surprised she was more interested in who he was..
inside here.' He clapped a small hand to his chest. 'That is why he
stayed and talked.... Because she didnt care.' Small shoulders shrugged
with no realization of his words.

'I wonder what the Queen was doing speaking for hours, in broad daylight,
unhidden, with a known assassin??'

'I am more concerned if HE had a particular reason for taking so much
time in talking with her...'

               =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

                      When Good Slippers Go Bad

Watch this scene taking place in a fair street in the handsome city of
Lima on a pleasant summer afternoon when the sweet scent of garden
flowers dominate the heavy air and the resonant calls of street vendors
and playing children provide an atmospherical backdrop. A young girl is
holding a pot of glue and a handful of feathers, trying to stare down a
battle-worn knight of some religious order while the latter's spindly
squire flits around nearby.

'Why would you say that?," the pretty girl demands. We happen to know
that she is Kendra, allegedly a socialite first and sorceress second.

'Use not thy sorcery on me, fallen one,' the knight retorts. He is
Tancred de Gisborne, long-time bible thumper, pagan head basher, and
Master of the Knights Templar. 'Fluttering thy pretty eyelashes will not
make sorcery acceptable unto me!', he adds sternly, defending himself
against that vicious guile of woman.

'It's not sorcery' Kendra argues dramatically.

''Tis indeed!', Tancred responds.

'It's not!'

''Tis indeed!' The knight puts his steel-encased foot down.

Kendra puts her weight down hard, stomping on the knight's toes.
Fortunately, those steel-plated boots are quite thick. Master Tancred
promptly returns the favor, and, as he is somewhat heavier than the young
girl, she whines and hops about on one leg. 'You're smashing my slippers!
This means war! I demand an apology!'

Master Tancred grimaces at the high pitch of the girl's cries while his
squire, young Alen, eyes them both rather dubiously and seeks cover
behind a street vendor who happens to be pushing his cart past just then.

'I do swear me, girls get more and more independent each year,' Master
Tancred mutters to his squire. 'In my youth, she would have gone over the
knee for certain.' Young Alen blinks, then nods, and seems to cringe at
the thought.

'Well?!' Kendra demands shrilly.

Master Tancred draws in his breath. 'I do apologize for muddying thy
slippers when thou willst recant thy sorcery, mademoiselle,' he states,
and pats her on the head with a rather patronizing gesture. Alen glances
at the slippers and makes a small motion as if to test out some theory
that perhaps they could just be cleaned and puffed up again. Without all
the screaming.

'Okay!' Kendra exclaims, voice returning to a more humane pitch. 'Wait,
what does that mean?'

'I knowe a goode laundress in London,' Alen inserts quietly from behind
the cart.

'My apologies unto thee, mademoiselle, I am grateful that thou willst no
longer use thy wicked, sorcerous ways upon my person,' the knight says
somberly.

Kendra stops him short. 'Hold off your fancy words and your shiny
things!'

The knight looks surprised. 'Shiny? 'Tis but the polishing of my faithful
squire!'

The girl ignores his protests with the stoicism of the young. 'I am not
wicked! I simply glued a few feathers on you quickly! Would you believe
it! Wicked! The nerve of these armored guys...'

Seriously, Master Tancred breaks her off. 'Armor doth a man well in times
of war, mademoiselle.'

'So it's bad glue! And it'll probably leave your shiny armor sticky but
there's no need to be throwing around words like wicked!'

Behind the cart, Alen peers at the feathers. Maybe more than armor
polishing will be required. Perhaps even a dunking in the river. Kendra
continues, pitch rising again: 'And what kind of a shiny armored guy are
you anyway? Aren't you supposed to have respect or some sense of decorum?
Do they teach you to go around stomping on slippers?!'

The knight interrupts, indignantly, 'And what young girl with some sense
of decency wouldst lay hand on a man not of her kin to work the glue?!'

'I was being friendly!!' Kendra howls. Nearby, a bat makes a mental note
to shop for earplugs.

'I advise thee to show concern with thy friendliness before some
less-virtuous character give thee more in return than thou didst bargain
for!', the knight retorts.

Kendra stops dead in her screams and stares. 'Did you just say that?! I
know what that means, okay! You're implying! Why, you!' The girl gives up
putting words on her rage and simply screams in the knight's
silver-bearded face. Another bat goes shopping.

Rubbing his ears, the knight says, 'I assure thee, I am not one to invite
nor take advantage of such foolish maidenly naivity!'

'I was gluing feathers on you! Not asking you to go to bed with me!' the
girl howls.

Even stoic Alen cannot help blinking at that, and Master Tancred crosses
himself, shocked. 'Such foul mouth on such handsome a maid,' he comments.

'Stop crossing yourself, I said I wasn't trying to do that! Oh grow up,
you've heard such things before, and you were implying it, so you must
have been thinking it!'

Taking a step backwards lest his ear drums pop the knight replies, 'I am
but warning thee that thy actions might inspire less noble thoughts in
men of less virtue...'

'She coulde weare some armor,' Alen suggests quietly. 'Ye wolde be welle
protected 'gainst harm,' he adds, Kendra's way.

Master Tancred nods. 'Indeed, some men wouldst not be repelled by decency
but p'raps by steel and blade,' he agrees. With a wink of a blue eye he
adds, 'A well-placed axe stroke wouldst solve the problem indeed.'

Kendra stomps her feet on the ground. 'Fine! You can deal with your
shiny, unfeathered metal! Happy?!'

'Indeed,' the knight agrees amiably. Behind the cart, Alen follows the
trail of feathers with his eyes as if to suggest that he thinks they
actually were rather nice. 'Although it does seem unto me I should p'raps
give thee a bit instruction in how to defend thyself against unwelcome
assault,' Master Tancred suggests to Kendra who ignores him. 'I hope he
pays you well, you deal with this every day?' she demands of Alen.

'Pay?' Alen mouths.

Kendra spins around to face the knight again. 'You don't pay your
squire?!'

'I thinke this be the firste time that someone has feathered him,' Alen
mumbles, trying not to chuckle. 'And birds do come from Gode.'

Master Tancred frowns. 'I am not paid myself, we do serve the Lord, not
mortal wealth.'

Kendra ignores him. 'I doubt anything ever happens to him since no one
will ever want to go near him again, being so grumpy!' She spins on the
knight again. 'I just met you! And suddenly I'm wicked this and wicked
that!'

Alen mumbles, 'He be in betere spirites most days.'

Master Tancred says, shocked, 'Mademoiselle, I beg of thee! In the lands
where I travel, actions such as thine wouldst label thee a camp-follower
and whore, surely 'tis not what thou wouldst wish!'

Kendra breaks him off, again. 'You know, I don't care if you get paid,
but if you're going to make him -- ' she nods at Alen with a toss of her
head -- 'run around and shining your metal and deal with your grumpy
self, you should pay him one way or another.'

The knight chuckles, amused. ''Twould be custom in some knightly orders
that the squire's family pays the knight,' he states, not noticing Alen
picking a feather off his cloak and blowing on it. 'Methinks 'tis but as
well that money doth not come between us in this affair.'

Kendra blinks as she works her way through the thees and thous. 'Wait!
You just implied I was a whore? What is wrong with you?! You just get
worse and worse!'

Alen watches the feather float down towards the ground.

Master Tancred laughs quietly. 'I did imply that thou dost carry thyself
as done and p'raps 'tis not thy true intent do to so.'

Kendra spins around. In the distance, a group of bats take off for the
silence of the  Antarctica. 'Im not going near you again, you can stand
over there and shine and be sticky and abuse your squire for all I care!'
She turns to Alen. 'Get a better job, I can find you one that actually
pays you.'

Alen looks up thoughtfully. 'The feathers to enhance his halo,' he
suggests. The knight grumbles and picks off more feathers, creating a
small snow-storm of white under the southern sky. 'What wolde I do wyth
money?' the boy inquires, releasing more feathers on the air.

'Money is the root of all evil, I daresay we are better without it,'
Master Tancred inserts.

'Buy nice things, and then stand in front of him, use those nice things,
and enjoy them, so you can spite him for abusing you.'

The knight says, with a chuckle, 'Vanity is one of the seven lethal sins,
mademoiselle.'

'You just say that because you don't look good,' Kendra says, declaiming
dramatically.

'I ne'er did claim to be a man of much bearing to turn a lady's eye,' he
replies.

'No, even if you did, no one would believe you,' the girl agrees shrilly.

'I shan't say 'tis something I gave much thought for a many a year,' he
agrees, ruffling her hair with an air of patient parentness.

'I don't think you think at all,' she agrees.

'Surely 'tis not as if thou wouldst expect to find manly charm and
handsomeliness in a man as many decades seniors as I, non?' he chuckles.
'A feisty one thou art.'

'No, but you could be nice anyway.'

'And thou mightest not behave like a spoilt brat, non?'

'I'm spoilt?? you damaged my slippers!' The pitch rises again,
dangerously.

'Thou didst all but tar and feather me!'

'You deserved it!!!'

Master Tancred watches the girl jump up and down with rage, obviously
feeling more amused than threatened. Behind him, Alen mumbles something
about the nice fabrics on sisters' dresses that gravy gets spilled on and
how they can actually be cleaned.

'Well, gee, you don't think ruffling my hair might imply something wicked
about you?' Kendra screams at him.

'P'raps, although I do think me 'twould indicate that thou art but a
spoilt child and thy antics doth amuse me,' he replies stoically.

Kendra spins around once more. 'Take my advice, demand a salary, a big
one, no one should have to deal with him unless  you're being heavily
compensated for it,' she instructs Alen who does indeed mumble something
about needing better polishing cream for suits of armor. Then she
gestures at Master Tancred: 'You, just stand over there and drop feathers
and grump or do what you do.'

Amused, the knight says, 'Far from me would it be to interfere with the
chatterings of women to squires...'

'Don't listen to anything he tells you,' Kendra continues to instruct the
spindly boy.

'But he do teche me to fight,' the youth protests.

'Good, fight him!' Kendra screams, so shrill that the last bat on the
continent takes off with a headache. Then she concludes our little scene
by storming off down the street.
 

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