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  .../________________/       running on 9999
VOLUME FOUR, ISSUE TWO                                       January 13, 1997
                                FROM THE EDITOR
                                 PLAYER FORUM
                          A Bard's Eye View of Legend
                                OPINIONS AND IDEAS
                       The Legendary Times Roving Reporter
                               Some Potshots at PK
                                 SOCIAL EVENTS
                         The Legendary Times Personals
                                 "Who's This?"
                               LOVE LEGEND STYLE
                         Kendrik and Alaina Get Married  
Please send your responses to articles to the Legendary Times address at
[email protected] Letters to the editor and submissions are welcomed.
                              FROM THE EDITOR
Hi There!

This week, in lieu of Departmental News and Updates, I just have some general
information on what's going on and some information on the Legendary Times and
how I'd like to make it work.

What The Immorts Are Up To: 
All the Departments are working on year end evaluations. What the goals have
been, are and should be, and how we have or can begin to meet these goals. As
a part of this process, expect to see some new, and more visible, things from
PR (games, tinyplots etc.) and from Administration (methods of dealing with
problems, how to let players and immorts know what's going on, and updates to
the help files). Building continues to work hard on the many non-coding
projects necessary for skilltrees, upkeep of areas, and hometown updates. And
expect to see more new areas soon. In Coding, the new immorts are getting
oriented and beginning to settle down to their skilltrees tasks.

New LT Format: 
As a part of the year end evaluation process, I'm still trying some new things
with the LT format. To this end, I'm going to try dividing the "Articles"
section into Articles, Player Forum, and Opinions and Ideas. Also, I'm going
to try organizing the "Socials" section into Personals, Love Legend Style
(weddings, marriages, or any kind of love story), From the War Zone (IC Pk),
and Legendites (backgrounds and happenings). I'd like to think that the LT
continues to improve, and provides all the readers with the kind of newsletter
they enjoy. To that end, please feel free to forward ideas and commentary on
the subject matter and format as well as the suggestions for article
submissions below.

Submissions and Deadlines: 
Let me start by saying that we love submissions and could always use more,
especially now that we are publishing consistently on a weekly basis. Along
this line, I'm going to move the "official" day of the week the LT is supposed
to go out to Tuesday, because Mondays are such a hassle. I need submissions
from players a few days before, so by Saturday at the latest. Don't panic,
however, if you don't get the article in until Sunday. After all, it can always
go in the next week's edition. Also, if you don't see your article in the most
current issue, the chances are that just means I ran out of room and it will
be in the next, or a subsequent issue. For the most part, almost everything
that is submitted gets printed at some point or another.

As far as submissions, please don't feel that an article needs to be huge, or
take a lot of time to write. Short role-play reports, nice bits of dialogue,
and small "how-to" articles are *always* welcome. I try to think of the LT as
a small-town newspaper, so anything you would find reported in a paper is
appropriate (and some things you wouldn't :). For example, a two paragraph
report on Gail getting Tad killed by the lion (that happened in the mists of
pre-history) would be wonderful. Anything regarding the activities of your
character, or your friends' characters is news. It may seem like I'm always
there, but I miss a lot, and need your reports to know what is going on. For
the articles section, I will be printing opinions on various topics, but
please remember that the newsletter basically follows all the rules of "chat"
or the "boards." Basically, things that are out-of-character and about someone
else are inappropriate, as well as poor language, hurtful comments about
others, or detailed information about quests, items, etc. I think of the
"general" articles section as something like "books and movies" in my local
newspaper, i.e., how-to's, and articles on the "way things were" either at some
point in Legend's history, or at some point in real-life history that Legend
attempts to simulate (Christmas at Olaf's Farm is an example of this type).

How To Get On The List And How To Get Off: 
There are basically three ways to be added (or removed) from the Legendary
Times Mailing List. You can choose the menu option from the main menu, send
email to [email protected] or mudmail me. I update the list weekly right
before I send out the issue. This means you should be rapidly added to the
list. If you do not receive (or stop receiving) the newsletter, please send
another note (again either from the menu, email, or mudmail) including your
correct email address. If you change addresses, please let us know both your
new and old email address, so we can remove the one that does not work, as
well as add the new one. I do not have any way of corresponding mud names with
email addresses, so I need the address as well :). If you have several email
addresses, please send remove requests from the account (or including the
address) of the one that receives the newsletter.

Thanks and happy reading!
                        A BARD'S-EYE VIEW OF LEGEND
               Eretz, President, Honorable Association of Sages; 
                   Editor and Publisher: The Sage Tribune.

[Eretz provided this detailed response to Leila's Roving Reporter question on
what was good and bad on Legend in 1996. We felt it deserved more space and
are printing it here.]
The areas in general get better and better. Tudor and the redone SF had far
better mobile rp than ever seen before. One feature introduced with Tudor that
many may not have noticed is the generation of the same basic mobile (in terms
of stats, hp, and xp) but with different descriptions or altogether different
names. This is a real step forward in mobile history! Melbourne combined the
area's history and feel along with an innovative quest. Carnival, with its
games, is an area where one cannot easily get tired of visiting. As for
Shadowlands, what can one say? It has that indefinable Rufus touch, namely a
strong dose of folklore with more ways to be killed than they've thought of in
Manhattan. In short, the areas, mobiles, and quests continue to get better.
Let's just say that Rufus knows how to give a whole new name to Newbie Helper
(akin to Hamburger Helper).

I should also add that World War One and Paris Opera have really nice feel to
them for time and place, both with unique features. Perhaps some changes might
be considered though to get them used more often. World War One in particular
is challenging in a good way for people who might otherwise be bored. And the
description of center stage for Paris Opera could only have been written by
someone who has experienced that feeling of being there.

My view on standardization is mixed. On one hand, it is reasonable. I don't
agree with the complaint voiced by many that it ruins the balance by taking
out the best weapons. To paraphrase a bumper sticker, to outlaw blinding
wormies means that no one has blinding wormies. My complaint is it removes an
incentive to explore systematically. There is a big thrill in finding a
bargain. Looking under a rock and finding that an item that rents for less is
better than whatever anyone else is using in that slot.At the same time,
though, the more eq items there are, the more chance to find a combination
boosting one's stats. So any character can reconsider eq and grow. But
standardization does make things less exciting and unpredictable for me.

The reorganization of immorts has also been quite successful it seems. The
code of ethics/rules has also been successful (though I think that one sees
too much of it when creating a new character, it is either too intimidating or
likely to be tuned out).

Finally, one of the greatest things about Legend is that it can grow not only
infinitely but also logically. As time goes on, it becomes more complex and
hence more interesting, balancing off the veteran player's inevitable ennui.
Or as a famous Bard :) wrote: Age cannot wither nor familiarity stale her
infinite variety.

                           The LT Roving Reporter
                             by Leila, LT Staff

This week's Roving Reporter walks the fine line between 'hot' and 'schlock'
and asks, 'What was fabulous and forgettable in 1996?'. Big thanks to all
who voted.

    1. What was the best event of 1996?
        - When Mercenary permad himself.
        - The reorganization of the immort structure.
        - Godzilla glares icily at you. Godzilla goes, 'Squee Squee Squee!'.
          In other words, April Fool's Day.
        - The perma wars.
        - It's always memorable when a new cool area is implemented.
        - The Pkill Tourney.
        - The Coven's kidnapping of Virago.
        - The Christmas pinata.
        - The llama date in OOC.

    2. What would you like to forget of 1996?
        - Loss of sancs and wells.
        - The hacker.
        - Not a specific event, but it's always sad to witness a multikilling
          carnage, which happened a couple of times last year.
        _ The perma wars.
        - Pkill Tourney because I was gone and didn't get to participate.
        - Family crisis of Whiterose, her and Brionna making Willow a vampire,
          disowning him and forcing him to perma.
        - Bumping into equipment deathtraps...
        - Dusk standing up Keymistress twice at a wedding.
        - The 10 lvl 50 deaths in a row in Shadowlands
    3. What was the best pkill whine of 1996?
        - 'You're clanned, which means you should expect to be killed, looted
          and multied, if you don't like it, stick to your unclanned.'
        - How are we going to all pkill without anyone having sanc?
        - When Lori stole the OTS harp!
        - 'It's not fair that the Coven attack us just because we're guys!'
          (Don't remember who said it tho).
        - Q: How do you find a tulsi plant? A: Kill a Grendel!
        - 'Come out you palsy gangbangers' -Morphine,
        - 'Quit hiding in the altar!' -Chloride,
        - 'Hmm, that was almost fair,' -Morphine
        - But I didn't attack you when I came back to get my corpse!
        - Dekker vs Satan.
        - 'Damn snipers!'.
        - 'I need to level', 'I need eq', 'I need a skill', 'I'm doing clan
          business'. All uttered by the same person on separate occasions from
    4. The Jack Nicholson award for the best tantrum goes to:
        - Madcat and YueFei
    5. The Elizabeth Taylor award for the most marriages goes to:
        - Govan and Conan
    6. The Pauley Shore award for the corniest RP'er goes to:
        - McDougan
    7. The best lover of 1996:
        - Mr Major_Payne and Mrs Chloride Payne, Densiva and Myriad, Agrippa -
          who goes that extra mile to do just exactly what he shouldn't.
    (Be sure and congratulate these very special winners!)
    8. What was the best new feature of 1996?
        - Sanc Removal.
        - Whois tags.
        - Gypsy Carnival.
        - Rufus' 'knock' social.
        - 'Guest' corpses taken out of the game and info.
        - The 'animate dead' spell for cause mages!
        - Shadowlands.
        - The unknown room off the War Room, it's indispensable!!!
    9. What was the best wedding of 1996?
        - Densiva and Myriads of course!
        - I don't really know ... but I know that when a wedding is organized
          by Petal, it is a real good wedding.
        - The wedding of Conan and Govan.
        - Mandolin and Mitra's wedding.
        - To my knowledge, this year no one has had their marriage recognized
          by the Goddess. Therefore, there have been no weddings this year.
        - Somar/Fatale, of course :)
        - Latia and Benkanaan's - for all the gossip and infighting during the
    10. What was the best immort excuse of 1996?
        - I've been busy with PR stuff.
        - Gail coded it=P
        - I was in the kitchen, cooking something, really, -Sandra.
        - We're working real hard on skilltrees.
        - Taking out the wells will make pkill better, I swear!

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                       PK: WHAT'S WRONG AND HOW TO FIX IT
                              by Demon Greenspawn

Well I'm back. Once again I take pen in claw to discuss issues dear to my evil
heart and essential to the well-being of Legend. I know I never really
completed the series on MUD economy but with the year winding down (year end
inventory is hell down here, so to speak) and the proposition that those
wondrous trees might not be so mythical soon, well things just kinda got away
from me. Anyways on to the subject at hand...Playerkilling colloquially known
as PK.

At first glance it might seem that PK is somewhat out of my area of expertise,
after all I'm an economist not a cop, right? Ahh! but if you examine the issue
closer you'll find that nothing is more concerned with killing, whether the
mass murder of organized warfare or murder of the more personal variety with
which we are all too familiar, than economics. By far the greatest number of
killings are motivated by economic reasons whether over a pair of boots or a
country, in a domestic argument or a global conflict if you dig down deep,
likely as not you'll find the root (I'm really not gonna start on trees again,
I promise... well maybe only a little ) is firmly planted in economics.
Therefore I believe that I am superlatively qualified to discuss PK (not that
I care mind you, I'll discus anything anytime, but just to make the editor of
this rag feel better).

"Bleh", you say to yourself. "Here's another guy with a quick fix to make PK
more palatable and ease the tension for awhile."  Wrong, oh donkey breath. I
don't have a quick fix (wish I did) and while I believe that some of the
options discussed recently, ie. ownership, saving corpses, player housing etc.
will have an impact I do not believe they can or will solve the problem. PK is
broke. This is a simple statement of fact that all but a very few of the
players (those black-hearted evildoers who enjoy indiscriminate slaughter,
future tenants of mine) and immorts (well maybe not Gan.. where's that
cross-bow) of LegendMud have come to realize. It did not break over night and
no amount of coding or rules-making will fix it over night. The problems with
PK stem from the attitudes and psychology of the people, both players and
immorts, at Legend and particularly involve the goals, motivations and rewards
(Somebody hit me! I'm talking about nerds and couch potatoes who sit at a
computer all day having motivations and goals. I must be sick). associated
with why they are here. In order to make changes in the way things currently
are and "fix" the problem we must make changes in the fundamental way PK is
looked at and these changes must start at the top (kinda like putting the star
on top of the tree ). The suggestions and observations in this paper are
in no particular order (call them the Random Ramblings of a Deranged Demon)
nor is one meant to be more important than any other.

How many times have I heard it. A discussion begins about PK for any number of
reasons, usually because someone has just been backstabbed, and the first
thing out of someone's mouth is "the only reason to clan is to kill someone".
It's what's told to people who are clanning a new character and I've heard it
spouted even by Ptah when someone is complaining about being killed. And yet
it is the farthest thing from what we actually want there could possibly be.
In fact it is the primary source of all our complaints about PK. What we (as
you may have noticed, I've taken to using the royal "we" here. After all, I
consider myself Legend's *personal* demon, and anything and everything that
goes on is under my control) actually mean of course is that you clan for the
possibility of killing and being killed to enhance the reality of our roleplay
and that noone should therefore complain about having been killed. This by its
very nature breeds unreality, as most people who have been killed can't
usually complain anyway, (and it is no wonder people talking to them don't say
what they mean. After all, how can you be reasonable with a ghost? Down here,
of course, they can whine all they want, but really can't.. participate.) But
THAT IS NOT what we say. If you call a dog a pig for long enough he might just
start believing he is one and this is exactly what has happened. By telling
people you only clan to kill we have created a situation where people do just
that. They play their other characters when they're not killing only bringing
on their clanned for fights. After all their clanned only has one purpose, to
kill people. How can we expect any roleplay or discourage crossplay when, by
our own admission, they are doing just what we say.

What really made my twisted little mind snap to attention was reading "Some
History From Sir Dominic" in the last LT. As fascinating a subject as this
virtual soap opera is, I do have other duties to perform and can't always feed
my morbid addiction. Thus, I wasn't here for most of the history related in
that article, but it was easy to recognize what was different about Legend
then as compared to now. The clans of LegendMUD have become separated and
insulated from the everyday life of the mud. The clans no longer take part in
activities unrelated to PK, even though most of them were formed with specific
non-pk activities in mind. For example, OTS had the purpose of gathering
information and helping newbies, and the Knights had the express purpose of
rescuing and aiding people in trouble. Neither of these goals, for either
clan, was limited to only clanned characters, and, in my opinion, the immorts
at the time that the clans were installed viewed them as an integral part of
the mud society as a whole. 

However, as the population of the mud grew, and more people who were not part
of the original core group joined, there was more impersonal and
"game-oriented" participation in PK. As this game-oriented PK became more
intense, it began to be difficult for clanned characters to participate in
non-PK related activities because they always had to be prepared for PK.
(After all it's pretty hard to explain to a newbie how to use his lamp when
you're busy looking over your shoulder for ...Agyar, is that you? ...Just
kidding. We only let him once a week to bushwack the Sunday Schoolers.) At
first glance, this seems reasonable. Clanned characters must be ready to fight
at all times. But in actuality, this does not mirror real life. In real life,
all people in violent professions (be they soldiers, policemen, or even
mercenaries) spend a good deal of time in non-combat situations. For example,
you can be in the military, and spend a majority of your time on flood relief,
building projects, or medical aid, duties that do not even include the
possibility of combat arising. On the mud, however, there is no safety. There
is no area, no place, other than your clan hall or OOC, where you are safe. In
effect, this is similar to being a soldier in Viet Nam, an annex of hell for a
good many years. Anywhere, anytime, any day, you can be killed. This was
extremely taxing and created many mental problems for the soldiers. It is
doing the same thing for the mud. (Shh, if you know who hears that, the next
thing you know, he'll wanna put me in charge of virtual souls, and I've got
enough to do counting the real thing!) This situation was exacerbated by the
Great Unclanning (I was in favor of this at the time. The boss would've killed
me, but it all worked out to his benefit anyway. Guess it's one of those
ineffable things.) at which time most of the people who had a greater interest
in social participation than in killing, left the clans. Many of the clans
nearly died out at this time, especially those clans which are essentially
based on non-PK ideals.

The upshot of all this, is that PK became a contest as opposed to a role-play
event. It became unrelated to the general life of the mud, and instead became
a self-contained football game, if you will. This also had an affect on the
unclanned. With a good half of the mud being clanned, or playing the unclanned
character of a clanned person (In my opinion most clanned people when playing
their unclanned characters are still clanned. They spend their time watching
for someone else's clanned to come on, planning their next kill, and
discussing PK on chat or the boards, and not taking part in the non-clanned
events of the mud.) this had a serious affect on the role-play and interaction
of unclanned legendites as well. In addition, at this time, complaints of PK
interference of various types by unclanned characters became much more
prevalent (almost always, this was the unclanned character of a clanned
character) and more extensive rules were put into place to prohibit and avoid
this interference. Effectively, this made it almost impossible for clanned and
unclanned to play together in any semblance of reality. By the way the rules
were stated and enforced, almost anything could be considered interference in
PK. Even Mercenary, one of the most flamboyant fixtures of Legend (and I must
say, a man with his heart in the right place, a true kindred spirit) was
virtually forced to refrain from performing any service for unclanned for fear
that it might be viewed as interference with PK. The only way to be safe was
for the two groups, clanned and unclanned, to basically have nothing to do
with each other. This is where we stand today. We have two muds: a clanned
mud, and an unclanned mud. Despite the fact that our population has grown, it
is still not big enough to support two muds. We must find some way to bring PK
and the clans back into the everyday inter-relationships of Legend.

Here's where we come to suggestions. I see three possibilities for doing this.
1) Take out PK. I don't like this suggestion. PK adds a tremendous amount of
reality to role-play situations on the mud. Everything from murder to fueds to
out and out wars really need PK to have any semblance of reality. It is also
worthwhile as an exercise in competition, as well, when not taken to an
extreme. 2) Clan them all. Let God (or the Devil as the case may be) sort them
out. Better, but not without its problems. Many people really don't want to
PK. They have neither the time (and time to play is important in PK) nor the
inclination to put forth the effort it takes to defend oneself. In order for
this to work, it would be necessary in my opinion for their to be specific
areas available to PK and specific areas where PK was prohibited. I.E, to be
reasonable, we would have to have front lines somewhere. That is not
impossible. One could say that hometowns were non-PK, but that if one left a
hometown, they are on dangerous turf. This could provide some very good
role-play opportunities, if someone wanted to play Templars and protect that
pilgrim traveling from place to place. But still causes problems for those
people who play by themselves or at odd times. 3) (And this one is my personal
favorite). Do away with rules for non-clanned interference in PK. "Eek!" you
say. Admittedly, this could create some unusual problems where a clanned with
a bunch of his non-clanned buddies, to bolster him with healing, could become
a serious problem on the mud. But I honestly believe that the majority of
people that play on this mud are not killers, and that if they were allowed to
they would indeed interfere in a situation in which a killer was taken
aggressive action against an innocent clanned person in their midst. I think
that in actuality, it would bring a sense of community to the mud when those
people who were present could do what comes naturally, and come to the aid of
another human being (in non-combatant ways) who is being violently assaulted.
This does not mean I think we should remove the coding that keeps aggressive
spells from working from clanned to non-clanned, it only means that any action
that is available to the unclanned should be legal. I don't think this hurts
anything. You want to be a killer, step up and take your chance. At any rate,
if you take a really close look at what would happen with the removal of the
non-interference rules, I believe that it would shift the balance of power
away from the aggressive Pkiller, and that is the situation we really want to
            /                        \
        o O | Wonder what folks are   |
  `\|||/    | doing over at LegendMud?|
   (o o)    \________________________/

                       THE LEGENDARY TIMES PERSONALS                            
                             Leila, LT Staff  

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    To Croaker: 
        Love the gift, looking forward to many levels together.

    To Mara: 
        Try not to die tonight
    To Kender: 
        Try not to die tonight
    To Whap: 
        Try not to level to fast. =P
    To Everyone: 
        Happy hunting!  Druids Rule!
            - From Sharri.


    All those players interested in getting together for a group gift for
    Ptah, Kaige, and their expected daughter, plus the dogs, Mika and Gabe
    :), should contact Rusalka either through mud-mail or via
    [email protected]

    Now I lag me down to a creep, I pray the mud my socket to keep. If I
    (link) die before I wake, I pray the mud my rent will take.
    Does anyone know anything about our parents?
        -Frick and Frack

            Alright, with all the conflicts going on in the past couple of
    days, I'm taking matters into my own hands and starting the
    REVOLUTION!!!! Now all you warriors and killers out there can join in
    on the fun, without actually causing any real hate or discontent. This
    is not a revolution to overthrow the ruling powers, but a revolution
    to change the players and their actions. The plan of the revolution is
    to try to bring back RP and all the fun RP consists of. This
    revolution crosses all boundaries, clanned and un-clanned can join in.
    We will bring all players around to our way of thinking, we will bring
    back the fun of the MUD to all players, and if they refuse to come
    around, well we'll cross that bridge when we get there. If you are
    interested in joining the revolution please mail me here to rid the
    MUD of all things not good and fun!!! See you in the fight!!!   
            MUD mail me and I will send you the Manifesto of the Revolution
    which will explain it all.. Also there will be a FAQ meeting to
    recruit and explain the revolution to all who do not understand. All
    are welcome. It will be held at Locksley Estate in Sherwood 15 JAN at
    8PM EST. See you there.. Long live the revolution!!!

                                  "Who's This?"
                          CLeo of the Circle of Angels
Hello and welcome to "Who's This?" For this issue, I interviewed the twins,
Frick and Frack. Here's how the interview went.

As I was about to start the interview, I noticed that Frick and Frack, our
Legend personalities for this week, were quite excited. Even before I was able
to say a thing, Frick said, "We gettin' a grade on this?" For most of the
answers, they had the same choices.

        Names:  Frick and Frack
        Profession: Thieves

CLeo - 'If you could build your own home, what would it be like?'
F&F  - 'A treehouse!!  And a pool with a slide from the treehouse!'

CLeo - 'If your mind could take you on a real trip, where would you go?'
F&F  - 'The carnival, of course!'

CLeo  - 'Please tell us a joke.'
Frick - 'A guy goes to his psychiatrist... "Doctor", he says, "I feel weird.
Sometimes I feel like a teepee and sometimes I feel like a wigwam." Doctor
says, "I know what's wrong with you... You're two tents (too tense)."'

CLeo  - 'If you wanted to be asked a question what would it be?'
Frick - 'Do you want to come along with me so I can level you to 50 and get
you all the good eq?' 
CLeo  - 'Eh....'. CLeo bonks himself on the head.

CLeo  - 'Ok.. Do you?'
Frick - 'Sure, but ya gotta take sis along too!'
CLeo  - 'I hate trick questions.'

CLeo  - 'What is your favorite meal?'
Frack - 'Cevechie.'
Frick - 'Fish & chips.'

CLeo  - 'Tell us about one of the most embarrassing moment you ever had.'
Frick - 'I remember the time in Tara where he had to go real bad, and that
Mauve woman walked in while he was peeing in Gawain's chest.'
Frack - 'Well, I always find it embarrassing when Frick flirts too much,'

CLeo  - 'If you were a kitchen appliance, what would it be?'
Frack - 'I sorta like butter churns.'
Frick - 'I'm gonna go with a tankard.'

CLeo  - 'What is your favorite type of music?'
Frack - 'I sorta like the songs the pirates sing...and the music in Ireland,'
Frick - 'Yeah, pirate songs!!!'

CLeo  - 'What is your favorite color?'
Frack - 'Blue.'
Frick - 'Forest green.'

                                LOVE LEGEND STYLE
                         Kendrick and Alaina Get Married!
                                    by Fatale

One fine Friday afternoon, as I stroll through the trees in Sherwood, I
receive a call from Alaina.
    "Kendrik and I are getting married right now!" the frantic bride exclaims,
    "Will you be my bridesmaid?"

I of course comply, as Kendrik is an old.. ahem.. friend of mine. The service
is to be held in the Altar in the druid woods, so I quickly make my way over,
pausing to evilly kick a few innocent bunnies. HAH! Take that, rabbit
rescuers! Ahem, but I wander off track. I arrive at the altar, plop myself
down, and await the minister, Lirra.

The altar has been decorated like a Las Vegas chapel, much to my dismay. The
couple in front of Kendrik and Alaina wear matching Elvis outfits. Luckily,
our wedding party looks somewhat normal. I appear to be the bridesmaid, and
Huma best man. T'Aleydras appears to be the maid of honor. Due to the
suddenness of the wedding, there appear to be no guests.

Lirra smirks a bit, not seeming impressed, she then turns her attention to the
room, yawning slightly like any normal alter person would do in Las Vegas,
tapping her fingers on the alter and speaking lazily, looking at her watch as
she does does so, "Next?"

    Lirra raises a brow only slightly at Kendrik and his bride, speaking up a
    bit, "NEXT?"

We peer about the room and realize she's talking to us. Alaina shoves Kendrik
forward, and he steps in front of Lirra, clutching the hand of his
bride-to-be. "That would be us." he exclaims in a small squeaky voice to the
menacing minister.

Lirra continues to tap her finger on the podium, looking down at Kendrik and
Aliana, "So you two want to get married, eh?" She gives a toothy grin, "PLease
state your names so I know them.." She takes out paper and a pen to write it
down on the documents.

    "Alaina," states the blushing bride.
    "Kendrik McLaren," says the stoic Scotsman.

Lirra nods slightly, hmming to herself, writing the names down on the piece of
paper. She glances to Huma and nods, "At least two."

    'Huma McDougan,' booms a large, scarred and bloody man.
    'Fatale Sensua Ilnos,' I declare bravely.

Lirra nods slightly to all those present then gives her attention to Kendrik
and Alaina, studying them, "You are gathered here today to join in holy
wedlock, which is not something to be taken lightly."

    'Oo, Lirra made up a new swear. "Holy wedlock!"' I snicker softly.

Of course, Lirra is addressing Kendrik and Aliana, not really paying attention
/to/ them as she speaks, perhaps having done this a thousand times before,
"Before we proceed, is there anyone  here who pretests this wedding?" Lirra
gives a sharp cough and glares at Kendrik a moment, then turns back to look
around the room. She yawns a moment, speaking "Guess not, yer lucky. Many
people have others running in alla time to stop their weddings" She emits a
soft toothy chuckle.

Lirra proceeds, looking at Aliana then Kendrik, "Do you, Kendrik MacLaren take
Alaina to be your wife... yadda yadda yadda?" Of course she could speak the
traditional junk but why bother? How long do Las Vegas weddings last anyway?

    'I do indeed.' declares the brave warrior, absolutely unaware of what he's
    in for.

At this point, we all hear the tortured, agonized screams of a dying person
coming from somewhere near. Mayhaps this is the belated protest of the
marriage? Lirra nods at Kendrik, turns her attention to Alaina, then blinks at
the cry.

    She yells, 'Pipe down out there, cant ya see there's a wedding going on?'

Lirra smirks, "Jeesh, locals, ya think they'd get the picture sometime." She
looks back to Alaina, "Now where was I?"

    Alaina, eager to get on with the wedding and get to the ...ahem ...good
    part yells loudly, 'I DO!'

Lirra blinks then nods to Kendrik, "Oh yeah.. right..." She glances over at
Alaina, "Hadn't gotten to you yet sweets, hold on.." She chuckles, "Eager isn't
she?" Alaina blushes red enough to cook bacon on her cheeks. I whisper to the
minister, loudly enough for the whole party to hear, 'She's just eager to get
to the honeymoon part. I'm not surprised, regarding Kendrik's... skill.'
I fondly remember the decadent nights of Bailey's.

Lirra turns her attention to Alaina, "Now then... do you Alaina...erm..
Alaina..." She frowns slightly, "I don't suppose I caught your last name did
I?" Here enters Zorn, the man who apparently was SUPPOSED to be the best man
but didn't arrive in time. Lirra blinks at Alaina then snickers slightly at
Fatale's comment before composing herself, "I see..." She chuckles, "Well then
Alaina, do you take Kendrik MacLaren to be your husband.... yadda yadda

    'I do,' Alaina states quickly.

Again Lirra disposes of formalities, I mean, who knows how long it will last
after the honeymoon. She nods, "Alright." She presses a piece of paper
forward, "Sigh here... all of yas that witnessed too" Lirra crosses her arms
and waits for the paper to be signed

Everyone signs the proffered paper.

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