............./ / THE LEGENDARY TIMES
........../ /...../ /./ \.../ /./ \...../ \
........./ /...../ ___/./ ____/../ ___/./ __. \.../ /\ \
......../ /...../ /_.../ /....../ /_.../ /..\ >./ /./ /
......./ /...../ __/../ /____../ __/../ /.../ /./ /./ /
....../ /_____/__/__../ \_\ /./ /__../ /.../ /./ /_/ /
...../ / /./ /./ /./ /.../ /./ /
..../ /_/..\______/./_____/./__/.../__/./_______/ MUD
.../________________/ running on mud.legendmud.org 9999
VOLUME SEVEN, ISSUE TWENTY-EIGHT December 1, 2000
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Calendar of Events
NEWS AND REPORTS
LegendMUD Connection Analysis
Horoscopes by Mme. Decara
The Tale of Hunter_Rose & Legends of the Past
Legend News Roundup
The Further Adventures of Mitra Alexander
A Fire in the Night
Bayushi: An Introduction
Addishional waysh tae capture an Immortal
Of Life, Death, and Anything in Between
\ |----------------------------------------------------------------------| /
/__| LegendMUD Calendar of Events |__\
[All times are system time unless otherwise specified]
-|- -|- -|- -|- December -|- -|- -|- -|-
Monday, December 11th, 7:00 pm Legend Trivia by Sandra
Thursday, December 14th, 7:00 pm Q & A in the OOC Auditorium
\ |------------------------------------------------------------------| /
/__| NEWS AND REPORTS |__\
LegendMUD Connection Analysis
Peak Mortal Players 60
Average Peak was 50
Peak PKOK Enabled Players 26
Pkokenabled Characters represent approximately
45% of active players.
Peak Accept All Characters 7
Accept All Characters represent approximately
7% of all active characters and 17% of active pkok enabled characters.
The first two tables below show the Average Mortal Players (avg), Average
PKOK Enabled Players (pke), and the number that were "Accept All" (aas)
connected to Legend by hour of the day as polled approximately on the hour
system time during the period noted above.
The third table shows the same averages calculated by the day of week.
hour 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
avg 25 32 25 19 14 11 12 12 15 18 22 22
pke 12 15 12 8 6 4 5 5 7 9 10 9
aas 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 0 1 2 3 2
hour 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23
avg 27 31 35 37 38 38 39 40 37 38 38 37
pke 11 12 14 15 17 16 18 18 16 17 18 17
aas 2 2 2 2 3 2 3 4 2 2 2 2
day MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT SUN
avg 28 27 28 26 25 30 28
pke 12 11 14 12 12 13 12
aas 2 2 2 2 2 2 2
Horoscopes by Mme. Decara
| SCORPIO (Oct 24 - Nov 22) | SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 - Dec 21) |
| | |
| Your enemies would do to learn | Turquoise should be sought out |
| the ways of curing poison, bits | if you are striving to increase |
| of lemon might do the trick! | your power by next Thursday. |
| CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19) | AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 19) |
| | |
| Saturn never steers you wrong | Create magic comes easily to a |
| when it comes to using garnets | waterbearer. Knowledge acquired |
| to increase your steadiness. | flows freely, equally to all. |
| PISCES (Feb 20 - Mar 20) | ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19) |
| | |
| Neptune and waterwalk together | Be courageous, be exciting. You |
| protect little fish from the | naturally lead others to great |
| dangers of open seas on Friday. | heights. A group of 9 is lucky. |
| TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20) | GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 20) |
| | |
| Offer and statement help guard | Protect yourself from falsehood |
| treasure. Emphasis on material | and deception - detect illusion |
| goods brings trauma if lost. | will help see what is false. |
| CANCER (Jun 21 - Jul 22) | LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22) |
| | |
| Protect your soft underbelly by | Don't bottle up your natural |
| stocking up on quality armor. | exuberance! Tell yourself that |
| Focus on your family on Monday. | you WILL often, and believe it. |
| VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22) | LIBRA (Sep 23 - Oct 23) |
| | |
| Don't over analyze everything! | It is important to fight on the |
| Your energy can better be used | side of justice, just don't get |
| elsewhere & don't be so modest! | stuck seeking absolute balance. |
The Tale of Hunter_Rose & Legends of the Past
Hunter Rose seemed to have snapped earlier today! We had thought that by
immorting only the good personality, his evil side would disappear, and it
did for a while. But today it returned...
Hunter challenged any and all to fight him for his equipment, and while a few
spoke up at first, they seemed to change their mind considering his immortal
status. A young knight squire named Lawrence brandished his copy of the
Knight code of conduct at Hunter, hitting him with it once or twice. This
obviously did not sit well with him, as he assassinated Lawrence right
Moments later, Kaige returned and saw what was happening. Before she was able
to stop him, Hunter Rose assassinated her as well! Luckily for him(or those
of us fortunate enough to not have been slain), we were already in countdown
for reboot, and just then the final tick occurred.
When we returned, Hunter Rose seemed strangely quiet. Sandra spoke up a few
moments later, about a secret she'd been keeping...
[Chat] Kaige: Hmmmppph...
[Chat] Sandra: So, I've had this secret for a while now, and I feel like
[Chat] Elisa: oooooo
[Chat] Lacey: tell it!!
[Chat] Sundiata: ooh. ooh
[Chat] Sandra: Would you all like to know my secret?
[Chat] Kaige: assassinate me... where is that Hunter_Rose.
[Chat] Malicious: yes!
[Chat] Lacey: YES!!
[Chat] Elisa: I'm dying to know!
[Chat] Sundiata: yes
[Chat] Saki: yes please
[Chat] Sandra: Ok, listen carefully
All fell silent as everyone did as Sandra said... A moment later, voices rang
out over chat. Voices that hadn't been heard in ages.
[Chat]: Eva: I'm bored.
[Chat]: Rachael: Hey Eva, me too!
[Chat]: Deathstalker: Running away won't help. You're only fooling yourself.
[Chat]: Augustus: Viva la Grendel!
[Chat]: Hunter Rose: *grin*
[Chat]: Morphine: *gangsign*
[Chat]: Harkon: Any newbies want to visit some sidhe? *snicker*
[Chat] Kaige: I'll get you Hunter
[Chat]: Mercenary: My blade is for hire, aye.
[Chat]: Limerick: Ack! Merc's on! D'oh.
[Chat]: Lori: *snicker* Lim, you goof.
[Chat]: Malorn: May the Dark Lord watch you all.
[Chat]: Gail: *salute Knights*
[Chat]: Arkenstone: *salute*
[Chat]: Sansaria: *salute*
[Chat]: Crowe: *salute*
[Chat]: Ainur: *salute*
[Chat]: Sylia: Knights suck!
[Chat]: Kiera: So do bards!
[Chat]: Executioner: Anyone need help?
[Chat]: Ramadan: So many old faces...
[Chat] Sandra: Allow me to introduce the Legends of the Past area
[Chat] Kaige: Happy early Christmas. =)
And with that, Legends of the Past came into being.
We want everyone to know that without the players, LegendMUD would just be a
bunch of code. Their characters are the citizens of this world -- they live
here, die here... and are to be remembered here.
The players and their characters give LegendMUD traditions and
history. Traditions live on, many times with us not knowing why we
carry them out or who started them. And our history, chronicled in the
Legendary Times to an extent, is remembered by a few here and there, or,
sadly, has been forgotten in part. And part was lost with the unfortunate
removal of the Hall of Legends.
In an attempt to not only retain pieces of our history, but to also
honor those who once roamed our lands, we present to you the Legends of
Once again, characters some of you may only know by name (for some have
long since passed from this realm), from stories told, or are familiar
with from the old Hall of Legends... shall walk these lands.
Listen to Ramadan the Bard tell the tales of various notable Legendites.
Battle with legends as they used to be, and watch as they wonder among
Share in our past and learn of the parts of our history we have been
able to include here and honor those considered "Legends".
But most of all... enjoy.
o O | Wonder what folks are |
`\|||/ | doing over at LegendMUD?|
(o o) \________________________/
\ |------------------------------------------------------------------| /
/__| LEGENDITES: Information Regarding the People of Our World |__\
Israfel has reached 200 million experience!
MISSING SINCE OCTOBER: One small, red imp of the horns, tail and
cleft tongue variety, rusty red in color, remarkably physically
unattractive, wears black leather color with a name tag reading "ED".
If you have seen him, please contact Marcel or Mitra Alexander
Legend News Roundup
The scandals and rumors surrounding the vampiress Malicious continue to
fly, a fact which not even her marriage to the esteemed former knight
Blackthorne De'Dannan could put to rest.
Prying eyes fell upon the following note, sent with roses from Muyston to
Words fail me as the night fails the day,
My heart aches for you as the desert aches for rain,
You shine in my eyes as the stars shine in the heavens,
And your love sets my soul afire as the sun does the sky..
Esperanza, will you marry me?
The Further Adventures of Mitra Alexander
It began innocently enough. Like everything else that Mitra Alexander did.
She had been wandering around Canada with Lawrence, a mysterious prodigal
stranger who really liked trees, when they had encountered Edwina de
Gisborne, who was looking for her prodigal turtle.
Lawrence was up in a particularly fine elm tree. He had refused to come down
for some hours. Edwina peered up worriedly.
"How will he live up there?" Edwina asked, "Do you think that we should come
check on him?"
Mitra pondered. "I daresay that he could live on dew. And elm acorn-thingees.
"But he'd to do without latte...cable movies.... Ginzu knives..," she added
Edwina frowned. "Does he have any parents? Has he no mother or father?" She
peered up into the tree and thoughtfully noted "We found him in my mother's
courtyard hugging a lilac bush." Mitra nodded. She remembered well. Not that
the stranger didn't hug nearly every other type of vegetation and demand to
take it home.
She asked Edwina, "When you found him, didn't he have a silver locket around
his neck, engraved with the emblem of his noble family?" Edwina shook her
head and noted "Not even a letter from his siblings pinned to his collar."
Mitra continued. "Wasn't he clutching some small wooden toy cunningly
fashioned by the master craftsman of his kingly father?"
The stranger peered down at them. He started pelting a local Indian brave
with elm leaves. The brave seemed oblivious.
"He doesn't talk," Edwina noted, wondering how long the brave would continue
to be oblivious.
Mitra nodded. "Maybe he can't because his parents have been imprisoned by an
evil sorcerer who will turn them into sauerkraut if he ever utters their
Edwina turned green. "Sauerkraut?" Mitra pondered. "Maybe truffles. With
cherry centers." She peered at the oblivious brave. "Maybe the brave doesn't
notice Lawrence pelting him with elm leaves because he is in love with the
beautiful, but deadly daughter of the sorcerer!"
Edwina blinked and Mitra suddenly started leafing through a large book. She
waved it up at Edwina. "See! Page 345 of the Lilac Fairy Tale Book!" Edwina
blinked again. "I don't read such things. My father wouldn't approve." Mitra
sighed. "But you never know when you'll need this kind of information!"
The stranger peered down from his elm tree. Whatever were they talking about?
Mitra raised the book up at him as high as she could reach, which was
approximately five feet. He squinted, then leaned out from the oak tree. It
looked quite precarious, and Edwina gave a nervous shriek, "He might fall
down!," she cried! Mitra nodded. If Lawrence refused to come down to the
book, then the book must come to Lawrence. She threw it up as high as she
The stranger watched the book come up....and go down. And onto Mitra.
Edwina shirked again! She ran over to the crumpled girl. Taking Mitra's hand,
she pleaded "Are you all right?"
Mitra blinked. "My pin cushion!," she shrieked, "I have to find all the pins
before the decorator arrives!" She grabbed several elderberries and started
smushing them onto the now dented Lilac Fairy Tale Book. For some odd reason,
the pins refused to stay in the pin cushion, but kept sliding off it...
Edwina peered around. "Decorator....pin cushion?" She peered at Mitra. "You
look pale!" she told her, but Mitra was too busy smushing elderberries on the
book to notice.
Edwina called up to the tree "We have to get help for her!" The stranger
peered down anxiously. Edwina continued "You have to come down to help her!"
The stranger slid down the tree trunk. He tugged anxiously at Mitra, who
turned to face him, crying "Edvardio, where are the drapery samples?"
The stranger blinked. Drapery samples? Mitra turned to Edwina and exclaimed
"Lady Alexander! I'm so sorry I missed our luncheon! But the pins are all
gone and I have to find the drapery samples!"
"We have to find a doctor for her," Edwina told the stranger, who nodded and
then scampered off south. He returned in a few minutes with a large pile of
various herbs. He tugged Mitra's sleeve again. Mitra blinked at the pile and
moaned to Edwina "Fred, I can't eat all those eclairs!" Edwina sighed and
continued to seek medical assistance. Surely there was a doctor somewhere
that could help them! She hollered as loud she could while the mysterious
stranger emitted an anguished "!" Although Blackthorne De' Dannan, an
accomplished doctor, answered, his suggestion of hitting Mitra with another
book was less than satisfactory. So was another proposal that Edwina and
Lawrence try the healing properties of leeches.
"Please sit down," Edwina begged the lissome young elderberry smeared girl.
"We'll find help for you." Mitra blinked. Help? She turned to the worried
stranger, "Malia, will you help me find my pin cushion. I have to get the
draperies up before Lady Alexander comes to tea. She hates me!" Mitra started
to sob and continued to wander around the clearing, dragging the dented and
elderberry besmeared book behind her, on the edge of a nasty precipice. The
stranger suddenly pounced on her and held her down. She wiggled feebly.
Edwina bent over them both anxiously. "Fred," Mitra murmured, "I can't find
the demon chow. I'm sorry." She sniffed.
Edwina blinked. "It's OK," she said. Mitra snuffled. She peered up at the
bureau cabinet that had abruptly appeared on top of her. Maybe the demon chow
was in there. The stranger dodged quickly to avoid having his eyes put out by
her finger nails. She sniffed. "Fred, you must remember to tell Marcel to buy
more demon chow." Edwina hastily nodded and patted Mitra's shoulder. "Of
course," she murmured and exchanged a another worried look with the
Meanwhile, Blackthorne De' Dannan, despite the spurning of his perfectly good
suggestion, had decided to take a closer look at hus patient. He stepped into
the clearing and placed a gentle hand on Mitra's shoulder. "What ails you,"
he asked. Mitra blinked and sniffled." Have you seen my pin cushion," she
asked? "I have to find it. Marcel's mother hates me!" She burst into tears.
Blackthorne sighed and carefully laid a stretcher on the ground. "Can you sit
on the stretcher," he asked the sobbing girl. The stranger obligingly got
down, and tugged at her arm. Mitra blinked. "What happened to the couch?"
she asked. "Please sit on the stretcher," Edwina begged her. Mitra blinked
again and slowly toppled on it. Edwina and Lawrence exchanged relieved
glances while Blackthorne considered his patient. "You have to take this
medicine," he told her and laid a handful of small white pills in her palm.
She blinked and peered at them. "Why should I eat pomegranate seeds? I hate
pomegranate seeds!" The stranger tugged at her sleeve again and pointed to
her mouth. Blackthorne nervously patted the bobbing stranger's head. Edwina
begged her, "Please eat them. You'll feel better." Mitra blinked and
sniffled. Edwina suddenly had an idea. "Marcel wants you to eat them." Mitra
blinked again. "He does?" Edwina solemnly nodded and the stranger tugged
Mitra's sleeve. Mitra sighed and ate the pomegranate seeds. They seemed very
dry for pomegranate seeds, and she started to choke. Blackthorne thumped her
on the back, and she gulped them down. They all peered down at her. "How do
you feel?" Blackthorne asked his patient.
She blinked and sniffed. "I don't feel good. My head hurts." Edwina peered at
her. "Who am I?" Mitra blinked. "Winnie of course," She peered around. "What
happened to me?" Blackthorne gave a professional little smile. He turned to
Edwina, noting "She is much better already." The stranger enthusiastically
hugged a bemused Mitra He turned to the stranger and handed him a bit of
parchment. "You are silent. That is good. Too many people are not. You will
make a good squire." The stranger bounced happily! Blackthorne helped the
girl up from the stretcher. Edwina steadied her. "Thank you," she told
Blackthorne. The stranger vigorously nodded in agreement. Blackthorne nodded
and smiled. "Make sure she takes the pills every four hours. Or she may
relapse." Edwina nodded. The stranger gesticulated wildly. Edwina and the
stranger exchanged glances and she asked, "Do you think her husband should be
notified?," hopefully adding "She looks much better already!." Blackthorne
considered. "Yes," he said, "He will need to make sure that she takes her
medication." Edwina's face fell and the stranger made sad and mournful
gestures. Marcel Alexander's wrath was legendary. And with that last bit of
professional advice, Blackthorne departed.
Mitra slumped. She suddenly felt so sleepy. Edwina steadied her and asked
whether she wanted to spend the night in the United Surgeons of Legend
Hospital, or whether she be more comfortable at home. Mitra sleepily
considered the ramifications of tracking elderberries all over the carpets.
And the likely reaction of her husband thereof. And decided that the hospital
sounded like a fine choice. And so they half walked and carried her back
there. Once arrived, Edwina wrote a careful, yet guarded letter to explain
Mitra's condition while Lawrence hid under the lilac bush and Mitra dreamed
of elderberry pin cushions.
Given that Mitra was recently seen referring to the vampire Malicious a floor
lamp and trying to grow pomegranate groves in the Tara well, it is not
entirely clear that the cure has lasted.
A Fire in the Night: an account of the destruction of the Intempesta Nox
villa, by Darla
I was having a lovely little dream in which I chased a child through the
woods, when a tapping on my coffin lid awakened me. Benoni, my baby vampire
bat, was flapping frantically around the room. He flung himself at me,
getting tangled in my hair. "What's the fuss, my darling?" I asked him. "It's
still an hour until sunset." Then I sensed something was wrong. There was a
smell of burning in the air.
I crept silently into Drusilla's room. It was undisturbed. The only
footprints in the dust were my own. Very carefully, I lifted the lid of her
coffin a crack, and peeked inside. There was no change in her condition. Her
daft eyes were wide open and flitting about, yet she saw nothing in this
world. It would be useless to try to wake her, she needed rest to recover
from her mysterious affliction.
I searched the villa for the source of the burning smell. Smoke was
thick in the atrium. Bright rays of light shone from the cracks around the
door to Phraek and Thumper's room. I surmised that Phraek's odd experiments
with focusing light had ignited a fire. With the intense light and the
flames, it would mean my death to open that door.
The undead don't deal with fire well; our only hope would be to abandon
the villa. I had to move Drusilla to safety. We had taken over a Maltese
church, and could use it to seek sanctuary from the sun, but it had not yet
been consecrated, and the benevolent spirits lingering there would disturb
her much needed rest. She needed someplace quieter. I remembered there was an
empty crypt in an abandoned graveyard that I could take over. The problem was
moving the heavy coffin and catatonic vampiress there. At my best, I could
barely push the coffin down the hall. I needed supernatural strength.
I ran down to the cellar, and found Phraek and Thumper shoving vials of
blood into backpacks. I glared accusingly at Phraek, whose lunatic
experiments had got us into this mess, and snatched a vial off the shelf. It
was not ordinary human blood, but demon's blood. I had tricked Marcel into
giving it to me, by trading the soul of my mortal pet, Cordelia, and planned
many vile uses for it.
I uncorked the vial and took a tiny sip. It burned my mouth and throat
deliciously. The warmth spread from my stomach through my arteries to my
skin, tingling and crawling all over me. The warmth grew in intensity,
boiling blood and searing bone. For one delightful moment, I thought I might
explode. Then it subsided to a steady pulsing not unlike my long forgotten
I lifted the coffin with ease. It seemed almost to hover at my
fingertips. Taking all that was important to me--my master in her coffin, and
my baby flying at my shoulder--I left the villa that had been my home for
centuries. The sun had set, and flames from the burning villa licked at the
darkening sky. I stayed to watch it crumble to dust.
When I was 13, a strange man came to me in a dream, he showed me the world as
I had never seen it before. Strange creatures ran through woods of magick,
witches and demons roamed the land freely, little children ran screaming and
playing, laughing at their own imaginations, and mighty warriors traveled the
land in search of damsels in distress. I was awed and amazed at the riches he
showed me, mythical creatures funny and horrifying all at once, and the wide
range of interesting people. When it was time for him to leave, he whispered
softly to me and these were his words:
'When ever you shall look upon the magick that is all around, you will see
the land of Legends, you will see the world of dreams. Come away with me my
dear, riches will be yours to keep, if you come away with me. When the time
is right, I will come, to sweep you off your lovely feet, you will see the
land of Legends, you will come away with me.'
And then the strange man was gone. I awoke in a cold sweat, gasping for air.
What a twisted dream I had just had. I got up and took a shower all the time
thinking of what that old man had said, wondering if it was all just a
dream. That day at school I caught my self drawing pictures of him, how he
had appeared to me in the dream, who was he? Why him? Why couldn't I had
dreamt about some movie star?
Questions continued to come to me, but as the years passed I slowly began to
forget, and as I became an adult, I found that all I could remember was him,
but that was just enough to spark my interest. I began searching for any
record of the strange man, but I found none. Nevertheless I continued my
search, until I came across a book on mythical men. And there he was, staring
up at me from the pages of that huge book. Laughing.
The book said he had no name, that his name wasn't known to any living man.
No surprise there, right? Nevertheless I had found my strange visitor, but
how had I dreamed of a man I had never seen before? I read on, and it said he
visited those who were pure of heart and mind, open to everything. Slowly
another year went by, and pieces of the dream came back to me, and one day,
in my last few years studying to be a plastic surgeon his words came back to
me. 'When the time is right, I will come, to sweep you off your lovely feet,
you will see the land of Legends, you will come away with me.' His words
scared me this time, what did he mean? I scribbled down what I could remember
from his speech and went back to studying.
And then in my late twenties, he came to me. I was so shocked, it was the
night of my graduation from college, I hadn't expected him. And then it came
to me, his words 'When the time is right, I will come...', so the time was
right. The graduation ceremony started, he offered me his hand, and I took
it, no words were spoken, we just danced, and danced. Then when the music
stopped he was gone, and I was in a strange place. I stopped a little child
who happened to be running past.
"Where am I?" I asked him, he looked up at me his features sunken, his frame
small and his body malnourished.
"Why miss, you're in London," he said. Just then a scream rang out, the
little boy didn't even wince, in fact no one on the street paid any attention
"What year is it?" I looked at him. He looked back, his face relaxed, void of
"The year is 1841, your in London my dear. Another world from what you knew.
This is where all the magick in your world went, you remember your last visit
don't you? I can see it coming back to you. And what where my words to you my
love? '... You will see the land of Legends...' was that not a part of what I
said? Well here you are, my dear. The land of Legends." No longer was I
talking to a little boy, I was talking to my strange visitor. I took a step
"I told you I'd sweep you off your feet, didn't I?"
"Yes, but? Oh god is this real?"
"Very real, my dear. And now, you're mine. All riches will be yours, my
And then he was gone. I looked around, scared....
...And that my friends, is how I came to be here. I was born Kathy McDonald.
And now I live in a land of Magick, the world as I know it is gone, and as
for that strange little man, I haven't seen him since that night. What is to
become of me? I have only my sanity to keep me company. And with every
waking day, I feel that too leaving me. Perhaps I'm just being paranoid.
Bayushi: An Introduction
I am an immigrant, I am a foreigner and I am Bayushi.
What more reason to be treated poorly by the locals in this strange land, all
they know of me is my family and their past, that of assassins and cut throats
in my homeland of Rokugan.
I am the first of house Bayushi to travel to the western lands simply because
I was the only one to spend the time to learn the language required to
When people ask me why I have come the answer is simple, to study, to witness
the differences in societies through out the world, to watch the way a mans
heart can break in two, two witness the fear in a child's eye as it watches
its father die in righteous battle.
Some have called me cold, this is not true, I have feeling for those who I
have seen die and those I have killed.. I simply do not convey them as openly
as the people in this place.
There is no honor in crying at ones deeds for regret is to lack the courage
of your convictions.
If you choose to strike with the edge of your blade make that strike deadly,
do not hold back out of sorrow for the children or the widow left behind.
Perhaps I am cold...
Perhaps I will outlive all of you...
Bayushi Shoju - Emmisary of Rokugan.
Addishional waysh tae capture an Immortal.
Kae made an atteempt tae deshcribe how tae capture an immortal. Yet she
left oot mony of the mosht obvioush waysh!
1. Plashe a beartrap in their roomsh. Thish can often be quite shucceshful,
thoo pleashe remember tae check yer trapsh every shae often.
2. Hire the Mafia. They are eashily foond in Pittshbeerg, and can be quite
3. Heersh a coompleete lisht of theer hoom addreshesh. Ushe thish feer the
4. Hev ye ever poondeered malayshian tigeer trepsh, and pitsh wi' shpikesh?
Verra guid oon nashtier immrrrtalsh like [Censored ], who editsh the LT.
5. Pizza makesh an eshellent lure.
6. Invite them tae a fun event. Then teel them shuddeny that theersh
shoomthnn ye need them tae dae fairsht....
7. Breethe oon them.
Aul theshe methodsh are verra guid at capturin them. Theen they may try tae
keel ye. Och, weel!
Of Life, Death, and Anything in Between:
By: Gaelus Errec Valthalas
The sky was gray and unpromising as a civilized gentleman stalked through the
streets of Kleinstadt. There was something in particular he was looking
for. His mind sought out the mythical link between all vampires, and he
found his target.
The impressive doors to the church in the bustling town opened easily and his
eyes narrowed as he saw his prey. Stepping inward, the doors shut and he
walked silently toward the small gathering of people in the church near the
altar. He recognized one of them as Blackthorne De'Dannan, and his prey was
"Who are you?" a tall, imposing looking knight asked him, hand ready on the
hilt of his sword. Gaelus smirked and pointedly ignored him. His eyes
swiveled to the prodigal stranger. "Who are you?" he demanded, his hand
nearly drawing the sword from its scabbard.
Gaelus blinked his eyes and replaced his stern face with one of dashing
flippance. A smile curled the corner of his lips and he nodded only
slightly, like a Lord to a commoner. "I am Gaelus Valthalas, sirrah." The
emphasis on 'sirrah' was enough to enrage anyone of noble birth. The knight
A tall, tan-skinned beauty stepped forward, her green eyes searching him,
wondering why his stance looked so familiar, just as he looked so familiar.
"You are an idiot," she said, as if passing down as sentence. "Definitely
didn't get it from your father, perhaps your mother?"
Gaelus smirked again and dismissed the woman from his presence. "I have come
for you, Lawrence," he said, his voice as cold as the light in his eyes. He
smiled, showing the tell-tale fangs of a vampire. Lawrence backed away and
touched the altar, his skin sizzling from the contact. He was still
'Turning' and it would be a while before he could walk into churches and deal
with that strange pain that would envelop him. Gaelus pointedly ignored it,
as he had since...
"Why are you here?" Blackthorne De' Dannan asked, his face exuding wariness.
He pulled Gaelus aside. "You have to leave, quickly. If you don't, they
will kill you." His voice was a fierce whisper, begging him to leave.
The civilized gentleman whispered back, his teeth clenched, "Have you all of
a sudden become my nursemaid, Blackthorne. I don't follow like your little
band of knights, so give over." He turned his eyes back to Lawrence.
"Can't you sense it, boy? Can't you sense my presence in this room?"
Lawrence snarled in reply and backed away, touching the altar once more. The
smell of burnt flesh curled acridly in the air. Lady Dechtire stepped
forward, her face exhibiting calm hatred that could have been well-placed if
you hated creatures of the night. "Get out," she said, her voice quiet as
steel being leased from a scabbard.
Gaelus smirked again, something that he was prone to as of late. "Get out of
my way, woman," he sneered. He drew a dagger and pushed her aside, going
toward Lawrence. "How many times do I have to tell you, boy? You are coming
Blackthorne snarled and placed a restraining hand on Gaelus's shoulder.
"Get out! Leave that boy alone!"
Gaelus sheathed the dagger and nodded in acquiescence. He cackled, the sound
echoing off the the walls of the church and the expansive ceiling. He
slipped quietly into the shadows, making them think he was gone.
The imposing knight looked at Blackthorne. "You have two days to find the
one who created your wife and kill it. After that, and if you haven't found
it, then your wife will not be safe." He spoke from a long-lived hatred,
going back to his boyhood. Vampires killed his family, he told his closest
friends once, now that zealous fervor to eliminate all vampires was in full
view, shaking his calm exterior.
Gaelus smelled the fear from Blackthorne, so tangible that he could cut it
with a knife, or a pair of fangs... He lunged, taking Blackthorne in the
back of the neck, drawing his blood and quickly swallowing it. Blackthorne
writhed and tried to throw Gaelus off him, but that vampiric bite burned
through his veins.
Gaelus let him go, allowing the knight to slump to the floor. He cackled
again and drew his dagger, ready to defend himself against the onslaught of
knights that were in this room. He gave a small flourish, rolling the knife
between his fingers. Sir Ganymede, a man whose wife he nearly seduced, drew
sword and pointed it in Gaelus's general direction. The imposing knight
drew sword as well, along with Lady Dechtire. Death painted those faces,
and he could have done a better job, in Gaelus's opinion.
"I am Sir Rictor of Belmont, prepare to meet your fate by my hand, demon."
He lunged, and Gaelus parried the slash easily with his dagger and returned
a hit, quickly, scoring flesh, carving deeply into Rictor's pretty face.
Rictor stepped backward and placed a hand to his cheek, seeing the crimson
on his gauntlet. He snarled wordlessly.
"You circle right, Lady Dechtire, and I left," Sir Ganymede said, his face
grim in concentration. Blackthorne moaned in pain and forced himself to sit,
pain burning all over, inside and out. The bite smoked and the tell-tale
signs of the 'Turning' were in the infancy stage. It wouldn't take long, not
with the bite and power Gaelus put behind it.
Gaelus laughed almost gaily and flashed out with a well aimed kick, dropping
Ganymede to his feet. He moved with a swift grace and dodge attacks from
Dechtire and Rictor. "Lady Dechtire, attend to Blackthorne's wounds, I
shall kill this demon myself."
Gaelus raised an eyebrow and tumbled backward, a graceful backflip and
grabbed up the spare sword that came from Blackthorne's scabbard which
currently lay on the ground. He drew the blade and held it in a classic
dueling stance, one only an aristocrat would attempt. "Bring it,
pretty-boy," he said, his smile chilling and not meeting his eyes. "I enjoy
Rictor snarled and rushed, his sword meant for Gaelus's middle. He crashed
into him full force, and they both crashed through the side doors of the
church, spilling them into the side hall. Monks hurriedly moved out of the
way, watching the noble, gallant knight fight this Dark aberration.
Standing quickly, the both of them took their swordsman stances. Ganymede
drew sword and joined Rictor. He stepped away and drew out a bandage for
his wounds. Gaelus caught him in the middle with that bloody dagger. "No,
he is mine!" Rictor told him through clenched teeth. He waited for Gaelus
to make the first move. He grew impatient and rushed, his platemail making
it impossible to dodge the massive flurry of attacks Gaelus rained on him.
The dark, night-black leather that he wore made it easier for moving, but
offered little protection from the broadsword that his opponent wielded.
The swordblade caught Rictor just above the eye, spilling blood into his
vision. He roared in pain and sliced out, the blade catching Gaelus in the
arm. He withheld his scream of pain as Caveat had taught him so long ago
when he was a boy. He hurriedly switched hands and parried aside the blade
meant for his head. They were close, and inspiration took him.
"If you cannot beat your opponent with strength, then beat him with
ingenuity," Caveat's voice rang in his head. Gaelus smooched him on the
nose and laughed, the blade slipping and catching Rictor on the shoulder.
Ganymede nearly lunged into the fray, his sword loosed from its scabbard.
Rictor motioned him back and redoubled his efforts. Parted Silk met
Waterfall over the Rocks. Cat on the roof met Lilly in Bloom, and Stalking
Leopard met Heron in the Thrushes. Both were masters at their weapon, but
Gaelus was quicker. He spun, his foot lashing out and catching Rictor in
the middle. He doubled over, gasping for air.
Rictor breathed heavily and charged again, the blade catching Gaelus in the
armpit, drawing slick, crimson blood down his black leather clothing. He
sneered in contempt and elbowed Rictor in the face. Rictor staggered
backward and fell. Gaelus grinned evilly and raised his sword, ready to
plunged it into Rictor's body. Rictor, his hand quick, sliced across
Gaelus's middle, revealing blackened blood and flesh. Rictor scrambled to
his feet and grabbed Gaelus by the back of his belt and neck and threw him
back into the cathedral. The crashing sound into the pew echoed off the
Gaelus barely blocked the swing that was meant for his head. He was no
longer on the offense, but on the defense for his life. Rictor had gained
his second wind and sliced at Gaelus, scoring flesh when Gaelus had not
blocked. He shoved Gaelus into the altar, the man's head rebounding with a
sickening thud. Rictor kicked Gaelus's wrist and the sword flew from his
grip. The attention Dechtire was giving Blackthorne was now turned to the
fray. She swallowed, looking at the multitudes of wounds Rictor had taken.
Rictor's blade was at Gaelus's throat.
"You are going to die, demon," he said through clenched teeth, trying to
draw painful breaths. Gaelus grinned evilly at him.
"Watch out, Sir Rictor!" Ganymede called out, but it did no good. A small
flick of the wrist found a dagger in Rictor's chest, blood blossoming forth
like a crimson flower in spring. He staggered back and fell into the pews,
his eyes shining in disbelief. He would not lose to this vampire, not while
he still had breath. He tried to rise, but the pain was too great. Gaelus
looked ready to start again, but the battle had taken its toll. He took one
step forward and fell, his vision temporarily blackened.
Blackthorne began chanting under his breath. The sidhe magic that he was
'blessed' with called forth leaves and vines from the stone floor and bound
Gaelus tightly to the floor. He blinked and struggled against them.
Dechtire had somehow produced a staff and it crashed into his skull.
Ganymede hurriedly unwrapped bandages and began to tend to Rictor's wounds.
He looked over at Gaelus with hatred. Rictor looked down, his eyes filled
with a strange mixture of pain, disbelief, and begrudging respect for the
demon. He fell backward, weak as a day old kitten.
Blackthorne moved with great pain, picking up the stake that fell from
Rictor's hand. Gaelus hadn't seen it and could have died right then and
there. He ground his teeth and struggled against his bonds. "You wouldn't
dare," Gaelus hissed, fear lighting his face.
The knight looked backward, unsure at the others. Rictor's wounds were all
that could convince him. He raised his hand and drove the stake home into
Gaelus's heart, blood fountaining and staining Blackthorne with its
blackness. A scream, torn from the depths of his soul, echoed off the
walls, ceiling, and spilled out into the streets. Rictor smiled at the
sound of the scream and passed out into his companions' arms. Gaelus looked
at Blackthorne, his eyes in pain. "Thank...you....." he whispered before
the blackness finally took him...
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