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VOLUME SEVEN, ISSUE THIRTY-ONE                            December 23, 2000
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                           TABLE OF CONTENTS
 
                           Calendar of Events
    
                           SPECIAL FEATURE:
                           Letters to Santa 

                              LEGENDITES
                             Announcements
                            Maggie's  Story
                      A Melting of Ice and Hearts
                           Mystery of the Sea
            The End of One Story and the Beginning of Another
                        Horoscopes by McDougan

___                                                                        ___
\  |----------------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|  LegendMUD Calendar of Events                                        |__\
   '----------------------------------------------------------------------'


             [All times are system time unless otherwise specified]


                  -|- -|- -|- -|- December -|- -|- -|- -|-

      Monday,    December 25th           Merry Christmas!

           */\*/\*/\*/\*/\*/\*/\*/\January/\*/\*/\*/\*/\*/\*/\*/\*

      Monday,   January  1st,  8:00 pm        First Night Celebration
      Thursday, January  4th,  7:00 pm        Q & A in the OOC Auditorium
      Saturday, January  6th,  3:00 pm        Three Kings Day Casino Game
      Thursday, January 11th,  7:00 pm        Q & A in the OOC Auditorium



  ___                                                                  ___
  \ |------------------------------------------------------------------| /
  /__|               SPECIAL SECTION: Letters To Santa                 |__\
   '------------------------------------------------------------------'



     *              
    \|/          deeeeer santa clawzz,
 *<- * ->*
    /|\          i wantsa toeeee for kristmassss.
     *           i wantsa dolleee anna biiiiiik.
                 wantsa poneee anna buppeeee to.
     *           i wantsa bee a deeeemun.
    \|/ 
 *<- * ->*        sinseeerlee,
    /|\           gwajeff makdunkan
     *

     *
    \|/     I wanna subscription to Coffee Daily.
 *<- * ->*
    /|\      -Kae
     *

     *      Dear Santa Claws
    \|/     
 *<- * ->*  This is my christmas list cause aunti crystaline said
    /|\     it was better if i wrote it then if i came searching
     *      thru the cold and danger to find you myself

     *      For Papa Xerox, Santa he needs a wife, so he won't
    \|/     be sad no more and will be here more often
 *<- * ->*  and not travel so much
    /|\    
     *      For Unkle Genocide
            I think he would like a brand new bracelet
     *      not too shiny, maybe tarnished or maybe silver
    \|/     
 *<- * ->*  For Aunti Crystaline
    /|\     She really needs a maid to help her with the house
     *      she does a good job and we try to help, but we are messy
            and i'm sure she would have more time if she
     *      didn't have to pick up after us
    \|/     Also i think a hug from her papa would be nice too
 *<- * ->*  even though she says he was a bad man, a hug would be good
    /|\    
     *      And for the magpies
            I wish they had a park near the church to play in
     *      with a bird bath and lots of trees and stuff
    \|/     
 *<- * ->*  And for the man who used to live in my ear,
    /|\     he needs happy thoughts and maybe another little
     *      orphan girl to watch after, i think he
            got sad when Xerox found me
     *
    \|/     Hmm i think that's about it,
 *<- * ->*  unless of course you can do anything about vampires
    /|\     i don't like them much and they seem scare alot of people too
     *      and if you can i would like a new bow, and oaken one

     *      I'll even try to be good too, no more spitting
    \|/     and i'll try not to be rude asking people if they are witches
 *<- * ->*  or if they have big teeths
    /|\     I dunno why that's rude though, but papa says it is
     *
            And if you can't get the bow for me that is ok
     *      cause i got the best gift in the whole wide world
    \|/     already, when papa found me
 *<- * ->*
    /|\     Hugs
     *      Maggie

     *
    \|/            Dear Santa, Nick, or whatever you wanna be called,
 *<- * ->*
    /|\            MrT has been a good boy dis year.
     *             He ain't do nothing bad at all. MrT can't seem to get a 
                   crimson cloak though. He was wondering if santa could you 
     *             know maybe hook him up with one?
    \|/ 
 *<- * ->*         MrT will leave lots of goodies for you.
    /|\ 
     *             MrT


     *
    \|/     Dear Santa,
 *<- * ->*
    /|\     I feel so sorry for those unfortunate spruces, firs, and pines
     *      uprooted and relocated every year to provide a few days of glitter
            for families  who never bother to go visit them in the forest
     *      the rest of the year. So that's what I want for Christmas; all
    \|/     those poor trees that have no place to go once people tire of them
 *<- * ->*  and throw them out. I don't mind waiting until the week after 
    /|\     Christmas for getting them. I'll be out back, making room in 
     *      the garden for them.

             Lawrence Windstrom
     *
    \|/ 
 *<- * ->*   Dear santa,
    /|\      Kaedon has been reeeeeeel good, and she wants lots of stuff.
     *       She expects to receive, candy (lots), a pet Grak, a bunny
             (more than the ones she already has), another bunny, yet a
     *       bunny, and her sister, and more candy. And don't forget the
    \|/      candy.
 *<- * ->*
    /|\      She'd also like a baby brother. Maybe you can ask your friend the
     *       storch to help out on that one.

     *        Signed, Kaedon, her mark:
    \|/       k A e d O N
 *<- * ->*
    /|\     
     *       Hi Santa.

     *       First of all, me'll like to complain! Last year I didn't get 
    \|/      even half the things I asked for, so I think you have some 
 *<- * ->*   thieving elves that you need to fire...But, since I always 
    /|\      give grown-ups second chances here's this year's list..
     *       1) Gold-fish slippers.
             2) Lotsa candy - actually you can spread this out over the 
                whole year..
     *       3) Another gold-fish, so Erich won't be alone anymore.
    \|/      4) I want my dad to take me back, please let me go home?
 *<- * ->*   5) A doll. Preferable a redhead this year.
    /|\  
     *       -Mallory

     *     
    \|/     Dear Santa,
 *<- * ->*  
    /|\     I think I'm really too old to write Christmas letters, but 
     *      -- well -- if I were to wish for anything this tired year  
            of 1914, I think I would wish for the War to be over.
     *      
    \|/     Gottfried von Luttke,
 *<- * ->*  Hauptmann der Kaiserliches Armee    
    /|\    
     *
          
     *       To: Santa
    \|/      From: Skullkrusher
 *<- * ->*      
    /|\      Here's my wish list in a song, hope thats ok....
     *
             12 heavy metal bands a drumming!
     *       11 pipes a smokin! 
    \|/      10 chords a strumming!
 *<- * ->*    9 ladies dancing naked!
    /|\       8 maids a cleaning!
     *        7 gifts for me!
              6 geese a laying golden eggs!
     *        5 golden harleys!
    \|/       4 fallen knights!
 *<- * ->*    3 French maids *wink*! 
    /|\       2 turtles in my soup! 
     *         ... and a partridge roasted to perfection!
               *burp* 

     *       Dear Santa,
    \|/ 
 *<- * ->*   I know that Christmas is a busy time of the year
    /|\      for you, so I will keep this brief.
     *
             Get a real job!
     *           
    \|/      I mean, hangin out in the snow with a bunch of 
 *<- * ->*   tinkering elves is like, I dunno, Mental or
    /|\      something.
     *
             Maybe you should go back on the Prozac or Paxil
     *       or whatever it is they give weirdos like you.  
    \|/ 
 *<- * ->*   Signed, Gondar
    /|\
     *       PS: I would like a new GrayStaff for Christmas


     *
    \|/     Mon cher St. Nicolaus,
 *<- * ->*
    /|\     I am not one to ask for favors for myself, but this year I do
     *      feel the urge to approach thee on behalf of my lovely daughter
            Edwina. I know not her heart's truest desire, but I have faith
     *      that thou doest, and that thou willst, in thy divinely granted
    \|/     wisdom, bring her something that will brighten her day and cause
 *<- * ->*  a smile to play on her lovely face.
    /|\
     *      Tancred de Gisborne,
            Master of the Temple

     *
    \|/      Dear Santa Claus,
 *<- * ->*
    /|\      All I want for Christmas is a mortal, but you said that 
     *       that's not good, so I'll settle for a cat, or dog. How bout it?

     *       Always in the giving spirit,
    \|/      Rosaline de Lenfent
 *<- * ->*
    /|\
     *

     *       Dear Santa Claus,
    \|/ 
 *<- * ->*   I have been a very bad little girl.
    /|\      I could tell you all about it but it might make you blush.
     *       But then I heard you like bad little girls *wink*

     *       Regardless, I want only one thing for Christmas -
    \|/      Wicked-looking string ideas so that people will cringe 
 *<- * ->*   when they see me *cackle*
    /|\
     *       A cloak of invisibility wouldn't be a bad gift either, 
             since I am trying to be anonymous.

     *       Thanks,
    \|/      Anonyma
 *<- * ->*
    /|\
     *

     *   
    \|/     Hello, old chap --
 *<- * ->*
    /|\     This year, please don't drop more coal off at my house. Drop some
     *      reindeer fertilizer if you must, my roses could use some of that.

     *      If you're feeling sportsly for a change, send me a few bear traps
    \|/     and some trip wire -- I might actually get you this year. At least
 *<- * ->*  I'll be waiting next to the chimney as usual, with the sniper
    /|\     rifle. See you there.
     *
            Marcel Alexander, Esquire.




           ________________________
          /                        \
      o O | Wonder what folks are   |
 `\|||/   | doing over at LegendMUD?|
 (o o)    \________________________/
ooO_(_)_Ooo________________________________________________________________
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__|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|

  ___                                                                  ___
  \ |------------------------------------------------------------------| /
  /__|  LEGENDITES: Information Regarding the People of Our World     |__\
   '------------------------------------------------------------------'


                              Announcements

Bruson Carthine has begun training to become the world's strongest warrior,
and has little respect for anyone. You may notice the new, more agressive
attitude displayed in his appearance.

The Dread Lords of Legend is now a PK clan.

     []-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]


                             Maggie's Story

Being an orphan has been quite profitable. Living in tudor with the magpies
was always great fun. Who would have ever thought though, that things would
work out so wonderfully for a poor little orphan. The man in my ear never
told me things could be so wonderful. Looking back he always painted the
world in a shadow of doom and dispair. Perhaps that wasn't his plan, since he
seems to have left me now. At least he comes to me much less often now and
perhaps just to put doubts into my mind.

Xerox finding me and taking me into his life was probably the best thing an
orphan could wish for. He's showered me with presents and all sorts of great
stuff. Now i've got a whole family to look after me. Such a strange thing
after being on my own. My new papa and his friends and family have all
showered me with toys and love. They don't even care that i'm dirty all the
time. despite thier attempts at cleaning me up I manage to get filthy all
over again. I've learned not to steal, that it's bad and that i shouldn't
spit anymore. That's a tough one though since Richard the Innkeeper doesnt
like me much. He makes me spitting mad sometimes. I don't have to beg anymore
and my belly stays fat and full. I've even got my very own room with wide
open windows so that the magpies can come visit.

Papa travels alot and is gone sometimes, but his best friend, My Unkle
Genocide and the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world, Crystaline are
keeping an eye on me til papa gets back. I miss him alot but i know he will
be back soon. He always tells the greatest bedtime stories. And i'll bet
he'll have lots of new ones when he returns. And who knows maybe he'll return
with a mama for me too. I think that would be good for Papa's lonely heart.

So now if you see me, wave hello and sit a bit with me and the magpies.


     []-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]

                   A Melting of Ice and Hearts

That day in the bleak frozen scape near the top of the world was unusually
warm. The sun shone its rarely-known rays down upon the glistening peaks and
frosty evergreens, setting the snowy plains of Alaska ablaze with a searing
white glare. Polar bear cubs took turns sliding on their behinds down hills
made slick with just a hint of melt. Slothful mother seals basked atop the
occasional outcrop while their pups splashed each other merrily. Indeed, it
seemed a day fit for play.

Not all was peaceful, however. Just a ways off, two ferocious beasts faced
one another across a snowy battlefield, snarling angrily and each poised for
the kill. One was a huge, shaggy tundra wolf, preparing for what was sure to
be an excellent feast. The other was Bruson Carthine, an armored fighter who
stood not much higher than the wolf. He gritted his teeth and scowled at the
beast as he concentrated his spiritual energies, preparing for an attack
that would bring the monster down for good.

As he tried to focus, he heard a shrill scream. Startled, his head turned in
the direction of the cry. 'Eh...what...?!' This was just the opening the
wolf needed, and it sprung. But Bruson was quicker to react, and he brought
his palms together, concentrating his Power into a glowing ball of energy
that grew between them. With a shout, he thrust his arms forth and blasted
the wolf, incinerating it with the odd blue fire and turning it into just a
smoldering mass of fur.

Bruson grinned wickedly, but barely had time to finish congratulating
himself before he heard the scream again, this time accompanied by cries for
help.

Gah, what is this? Some weakling needs MY help? I have no time for such
foolishness! he thought. Nevertheless he could not stop himself as he ran in
the direction from which the cries had come.

Everything seemed to happen at once. As he arrived at the edge of the lake,
his eyes flew open and he gaped in shock as he beheld a young girl, standing
stone still on the lake's surface, cracks radiating slowly out from her feet
in tune to the look of horror that spread across her face.

Bruson called to her, 'You there! What's all this?!' But only a moment later
there was a loud CRACK! and the girl fell through the breaking ice with a
splash!

'Aarrggh!!  Eh...hold on!' There was no time to waste. Once again focusing
his mental powers into a spell, he made himself fly, and raced through the
air toward the screaming, drowning girl. Come on, faster, fool, faster! As
he neared her, the girl was trying to grab onto the ice, but it merely broke
off in her hands and she began sinking beneath the water.  At last, Bruson
dove in and wrapped his arms around her soggy freezing body, hoisting her
out. She clung desperately to him, dripping and sputtering and shivering
like mad. Cradling her in his arms, he floated back across the breaking ice
and set them both down on firm earth.

She shivered, 'S-so c-c-cold...' Her teeth were chattering loudly.

Not allowing the cold to touch him, Bruson muttered, 'H-here...let me get
you warm...' Chanting another spell of Power, prickly heat began to creep
into the girl's skin slowly, pushing out the chill. Unsatisfied, he wrapped
his arms around her and rubbed his hands over her arms briskly, rubbing out
the cold.

She looked up at him with thankful adoration, her penetrating violet eyes
gazing at him softly. 'Th-thank you, kind sir.'

'There...here...are...are you all right?'

'I...I think so,' she answered weakly. 'But please don't leave me! I'm
afraid the ice will crack again.'

'I won't leave,' Bruson assured her. 'What were you doing out there? That
ice is thin and dangerous and...er...eh...' He became very much aware that
this extremely beautiful young maiden was still hugging him tight. 'Yes,
you'll be all right...' He held her awkwardly and continued to rub down her
skin.

'I had to practice my skating. I did the most beautiful triple axel, but
when I landed, the ice cracked,' she said.

'What! Fool girl!' he spat. 'This is no place for skating, this is foul
country! You could...er...I mean...' Blast it, WHY was she looking at him
that way? 'Well anyway, you are safe now.'

Just then there was a loud crack as some of the ice nearby shifted under its
own weight, and the girl jumped back into his arms with an EEK! 'Don't
worry, you're safe, it's all right!! It's just ice cracking out on the
water, it's not under us.'

'I do feel safe with you,' she said, smiling happily at him with those
eyes--those eyes! And then...she snuggled up to him!

'Ehh...er...aahhh...' Blast it, he was NOT flustered. It was just the cold
affecting him. She didn't have to giggle at him so! 'Eh well...I should be
going...'

'Wait no!' she cried. 'I'm um...still a little cold.' She shivered a little
for show and batted her eyelashes at him.

'Cold!' Bruson said. 'Huh! Well...here, I will stay eh...longer then...just
to see that you are safe you see!'

'There must be some way I can repay you,' she said warmly. 'You saved my
life.'

'Pah, what could a silly girl have that I need?'

'I'm not so silly.'

'You're foolish for skating on such thin ice!' Bruson declared roughly.
'Haven't your parents taught you any sense?'

'I'll have you know, I am an accomplished healer, though only a mediocre
skater,' she sniffled.

'Uh...I mean um...' Those eyes. They were clouding his thoughts and he had
to get away from them. Why could he not leave? 'Eh, yes, what I mean to say
is...ah...Well you're lucky I was here!'

'I was trying to practice so I could impress them,' she explained. 'My
mother is so
beautiful and my father is so strong and brave. People just think I'm a
brat,
and even you call me a foolish girl.' The girl looked...like she was
sulking!

'Oh...well you're...I mean...here, don't be upset, please. You aren't so
foolish, you're very beautiful and I just don't want you to be harmed.' Now
she was BLUSHING! 'Who are your parents?'

'Sir Judah and Lady Haley Eliezer,' she replied with an air of pride, and
then graced him with a radiant smile and with, 'I am Naomi Eliezer.'

There was another loud crack. 'Eek! The ice again!' Naomi jumped back into
Bruson's arms.

Bruson assured her, 'I won't let anything happen to you. I...' Those eyes!
'Um... B-Bruson. Carthine. Hi.'

As the day turned into afternoon, Naomi Eliezer and Bruson Carthine found
themselves gazing at one another, one in complete adoration, the other in
bewilderment, with a pang in his chest he had never before felt. It seemed
that those rarefied rays of gold upon the Alaskan tundra had begun the
melting of not only a frozen lake, but also a frozen heart.


     []-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]

                         Mystery of the Sea

    The water had been choppy all day. I had caught only  a few scrawny fish,
barely big enough to keep, but decided to call it a day when a giant wave
nearly capsized me. The wailing wind was worse even than my wife's nagging
voice. By the time I rowed back to shore, it was pouring rain.

    A beautiful woman stood on the beach, staring out to sea. As I drifted
close to her, I could see that she was no village lass. Her skin and hair
were dark, and her eyes were as blue as the sea. She barely seemed to notice
the rain streaming down her face. I thought perhaps she was a castaway,
washed up on the shore, for she wore no clothing. A scrap of seaweed and a
pair of starfish barely covered her.

    'Where are you from, lass?' I asked her, trying not to leer. She must not
have heard me, for she didn't answer or turn her eyes from the sea. Lightning
cracked across the sky. The storm was getting worse. Quickly, I set to
docking my boat and gathering my gear; a storm like this was not the time to
be worrying about some girl, pretty or not.

    Then she did the strangest thing. I would never have believed it myself
if I didnt see it with my own eyes. She walked right into the sea. She let
the waves crash over her, and kept on walking. I ran after her, got soaked
past my waist, I did. But the water was far too rough. I couldn't catch up to
her, and fearing for my own life, struggled back to shore. Last I saw the
water was past her chin. Her black hair floated like a dark cloud behind
her. Then she was gone.

    I ran to the tavern for help, but my friends called me a fool. Some said
she might have been a ghost, some thought maybe a silky. Faced with the
decision between a mug of ale by the fire or going back out to search in
stormy seas, I decided there was naught I could do. We never did find a girl
washed on shore, nor caught in the nets, so maybe it was all my imagination.


     []-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]


            The End of One Story and the Beginning of Another

The years of waiting were finally about to come to an end, and it didn't
matter that the clouds were roiling in angry billowing protest or that staves
of electricity hurled themselves upon the white-capped peaks in their endless
waltz across the surface of the English Channel. The incantation had only one
more step before it would be complete, and at least there was no rain.

Speaking the words had been difficult; his tongue and this primitive dialect
were total strangers. But it had worked one day long ago, with one of these
Cockneys with their gooey accents delivering the spell no less. It would work
again.

Breath bated, he spoke the final syllables and waited. For a few
heart-pounding moments nothing happened, and even the thunder overhead seemed
to pause in anticipation. Suddenly, a bolt of searing lighting struck the
dock right before him, showering him with sparks and wood splinters and
forcing him to hide his face inside his jacket. When he looked again, he saw
him.

The figure was an apparition out of any ghost story. The little light there
was to be had under that blackened sky seemed to get out of this man's way as
though he meant it harm. Swathed in shadow, he stood tall and broad, lithe
and muscular. His curly, ebony hair flowed to his wide shoulders and
partially obscured his face. He blinked at the sea as though trying to recall
it out of memory, while one hand crept across his chest, across the image of
a chesspiece chiselled into his armor, as though trying to recall himself out
of memory as well. Seeing him evoked old rills of anger that he could only
barely suppress before he spoke.

'Father.'

The alarming man turned at his word and saw him for the first time, blinking
at him even more than at the turbulent ocean. After a moment, he spoke at
last. 'You...did you...do this...?'

'Aye. Ye have been lost in the Void for over three years. I have called ye
back to earth with a druidic incantation and the cooperation of an immortal.'

'I...I don't know where... Who are you? Why did you call me that? Abigail!
The last thing I remember--'

'I am your son. My name is Ganymede.'

'Impossible. My name is Crowe. I have no son. No family...'

Ganymede scowled. 'Ye have a family and a son, and I am he. Have ye forgotten
my mother so easily?' He felt his fingernails digging into his palm. 'Ye're
more pathetic than I imagined.'

'The only way you can be my son is if your mother is...How? How can this be?!
Is your mother...is Willow...alive??'

'She is quite well. After ye betrayed her--' If he could not control his
anger he would get nowhere here. He pried his teeth apart. '--After ye left,
she went to her home realm and did not come back here. Shortly after that,
she had me.'

'You are--!' The man's face, stony as it had been, softened just enough to be
noticed. 'You're my son. Yes, I can see that you are telling the truth.  Your
eyes, your face...they are hers. And...I see myself. You are wearing my
armor. Ganymede.'

The young man spat, 'The resemblance between ye and I is purely superficial,
I assure you.'

Crowe studied him. 'You are angry with me. Over what happened. I don't blame
you. Son, please believe me when I say--'

'Ye may dispense with the excuses and pleas,' Ganymede cut him off. Although
he stood shorter than his father, he stared him straight in the eyes. 'I grew
up hating you. Hating you, for hurting my mother, for never being there for
me. For dishonoring me, my mother and yourself in order to frolic with a
whiny hussy. My uncle Gehn trained me, sent me to this realm, and I came here
to find you and kill you for what ye have done.'

His father's eyes widened, and he looked hurt. But he did not look away, and
merely said nothing.'

Ganymede softened his own voice. 'Those things said, I have had a change of
heart. I have learned more of ye from those who knew ye or heard stories. I
have walked in your footsteps and have come to understand that ye are
somewhat legendary in these lands. I have been a Knight of Legend, and even
their Guildmaster for some time.' He waved Crowe's fond smile aside and
added, 'But ye did stain our bloodline. I have made it my task in this world
to cleanse it. I believe I have done that, and today is the day when I stop
living my life to make up for your mistakes, and instead do what I do to win
honor for myself. It is a turning point for us both.'

'Win honor for yourself?'

'I am starting a new clan, the Guardians of Justice. They will be my
instrument to turn the tables on the evil that permeates this land and upsets
the balance, and I will do what I can to make the innocents of this realm
feel safe again.'

Crowe turned his head and examined the gradually calming water's surface.
'What will become of me?'

'The incantation is temporary. Your body will remain to roam the earth, with
some semblance of your actual soul to guide it, much like the soulless
inhabitants of this realm. Your real spirit, after a few more minutes, will
at last be laid to rest. Ye'll be free to watch the earth and find some
peace.'

'Peace...at last...'

'I must go. I have plans to make.' Ganymede turned away and started to cross
toward the Port Town.

'Ganymede!' The younger man stopped, but did not turn. 'You could perform the
rite Abigail did. Slay me before my soul slips away, and I may become your
protector. You are much more entitled to my protection than she was.'

'I do not need your help.' He took a few more steps.

'Son...one more thing...thank you.'

He still did not turn. 'Ye are my father. I did what I always do. Whatever I
must.'

As the young Guardian strode up the dock toward the town, the clouds broke
and a few rays of sun became the first thing to rain upon the city that day.
Crowe watched him leave, his own blood, the son he had never known he had,
and waited for rest to come to him finally.

     []-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]

Editor's Note:...When Mme. Decara did not send this journal her usual astral
predictions, our editors visited her home in the desert. While we did not
find the lady Decara, a strange alcoholic odor hung heavy in the room, and we
found this note stuck firmly to her crystal ball...

                     Horoscopes by McDougan


SCORPIO       (Oct 24 - Nov 22)
Tae avoid wandering intae a trap o' deeth, try buying Scots drinksh.

SAGITTARIUS   (Nov 23 - Dec 21)
On aul shidesh ish danger.  Shtay in the pub inshtead.

CAPRICORN     (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Tartan ish the proper clothing for ye.  Avoid Englishmen for the resht o'
the year.  If ye are one, move tae the far north o' England, and shun London
waysh.

AQUARIUS      (Jan 20 - Feb 19)
For good luck nnd profit, become a shwineherd!

PISCES        (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
Drinking perry will gie ye exshellent luck. Aul ye hae tae dae ish find it.
Feer additional luck, share it wi' a Shcot.

ARIES         (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
Avoid going tae sea wi' pirates, unless ye hae plenty o' rum!  Shadowlands
may caushe deeth.

TAURUS        (Apr 20 - May 20)
Eating noothing but haggis will prevent ye getting the plague.  Avoid milk
and water.

GEMINI        (May 21 - Jun 20)
The shtarsh predict guid reshultsh if ye inshult nashty and vindictive
ladsh.  Mind ye, they are rathrr blurry.

CANCER        (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
Thish week, ye are god.  Unfairtunately, that god ish Baldur.  Beware
shnipersh.

LEO           (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Deathtrapsh are eshpeshially lucky thish week.  And ye aren't!

VIRGO         (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Thish week, pilesh o' tartan ragsh may appear in front o' ye. Feer guid
luck, plashe alchohol in them.

LIBRA         (Sep 23 - Oct 23)
Yer ideal pet ish a sheep.  Feer guid luck, shpeak wi' a Welsh accent for
the nesht month.


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