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  .../________________/       running on 9999 9999
VOLUME SEVEN, ISSUE FOUR                                January 29th, 2000

                            TABLE OF CONTENTS

                           Calendar of Events

                             NEWS & REPORTS

                            Expies Reminder!    
                           Robert Burns Night

                          An LT Office Visitor
                         Return of the Enforcers
                          Hatchet Burial at Sea

___                                                                    ___
\  |------------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                    UPCOMING CALENDAR OF EVENTS                   |__\

          [All times are system time unless otherwise specified]

      <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>-February-<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>

     Thursday, February  3, 7:00 pm        Q & A in the OOC Auditorium
     Saturday, February  5,                Expie Nominations Due!
                            1:00 pm        Imm/Mort Party!
     Thursday, February 10, 7:00 pm        Q & A in the OOC Auditorium

___                                                                    ___
\  |------------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                          NEWS AND REPORTS                        |__\

                              Expies Reminder!

Don't forget to send in your Expies nominations this week! They're due on
this coming Saturday. Nominations are our source for the Expies ballot -- the
method by which YOU select the winners in our annual awards ceremony. Don't
have that nominations ballot anymore? Just ask for one! Make your voice heard
-- send in your nominations today, to [email protected], *with a legit
character name at the top*!

     -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|-

                          Robert Burns Night 

On Tuesday, January 25th, LegendMUD celebrated the anniversary of Scottish
Poet Robert Burns' birth. Whiskey turned mysteriously to usquebaugh, steaming
haggises found their way into the mouths of the brave, and some of the
Scotsman's poetry was made available for all to enjoy. The celebration also
included a hunt for the stolen treasure of Clan MacAyeal, which led more than
40 players to scavenge the mud for clues to track down the thief. The first
to discover his hiding place was Sammael, followed by Fatale, Krillen, Skar,
and Abigail. Some courageous hunters worked for 6 full hours to solve the
mystery, discovering many new regions of the mud at the same time! Watch the
events list (visible ingame by typing "events") for more happenings like this

            /                        \
        o O | Wonder what folks are   |
  `\|||/    | doing over at LegendMUD?|
   (o o)    \________________________/
___                                                                    ___
\  |------------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|    LEGENDITES: Information Regarding the People of Our World     |__\


'Tis my pleasure to announce that after more than a year of absence, Dame
Stella hath returned to the Order of the Poor Knights of Christ of the
Temple of Solomon on Jerusalem.

Pax vobiscum,
Tancred de Gisborne
Master of the Temple

                          ===== ===== ===== =====

FOUND: One damnedable blue crystal. Discovered in the vicinity of the
Crusades, fallen from the hands of a dying old man. To claim, describe the
bizarre engraving on its surface. Replies to Fury, and soon. The damn thing
is beginning to keep me awake with its humming and whining.

          <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> 

                             An LT Office Visitor

A shifty-eyed fellow with the horns and forked tail you'd expect from any
little servant demon knocked on the door to the Legendary Times office the
other night. 'Excuse me, please,' it said. 'I gots this message I'm
supposed to give you.' It pointed at itself with one scaly, grimy little -
paw would be the most suitable term for the appendix in question.

'I be supposed to post some sort of note to these fellows, whaddyacallem, the
knights?' it went on. 'From my friend dude, you see.  He's getting kind of
tired of being stuffed away in a bedroom closet. So uh, can you write up
something to let them knights know that Crowe really wants out of his

It peered around quickly. 'And uh, can you make sure my boss doesn't hear
about it? I be totally sure, like, he wouldn't like me yappin' about it, you

I was rather confused by this, but agreed. 

          <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> 

                         Return of the Enforcers

A bizarre envelope came across the desk today, with a black wax seal
impressed with a severed hand clutching a trident and the various addresses
apparently scrawled in blood.  The inside was not much better.

Attention, mortals of Legend.  Perhaps you have thought yourself safe in my
relative absence and obscurity.  Prepare to re-establish your thoughts.  I
have returned in force, and I am bringing a fresh horde of minions to keep
you all in check.  For those of you who have a taste for the blood of your
fellow adventurers (PK enabled) and those who plan to, our application form
is also enclosed for your perusal.  Remember: you don't want to be caught
on the wrong side when Armageddon comes.

- Aginor Chuain Shadowmage
The Dark Messiah Returned

In accordance with Aginor's wishes, we have also published the application,
though we are not sure what to make of it.

Dark Enforcers Application for Membership

Aginor Chuain Shadowmage
Attn: Dark Enforcer Application
9 Crypt Path
St. Denis Abbey

Gender (if applicable):

Please answer the following to the best of your ability.
1.	In 50 words or less, why do you want to serve the Dark Lord?

2.	How did you first hear about the Dark Enforcers?
__ Friend
__ Relative
__ Subhuman beast
__ Dream
__ Dark Messiah
__ Other (please explain)

3.	Are any members of your immediate family Dark Enforcers?  If so please
state name and rank.

4.	Any special abilities or connections we should be aware of?  This can
include but is not limited to magical aptitude, relationships to royalty,
or providing sex to the Dark Messiah.

5. 	Please list any accomplishments or awards that might be of interest to
the Dark Lord.  Include any dark deeds done, dark prophecy written, battle
hymns composed, etc.

6. 	Personality and motivation are extremely important to us here at the
Dark Enforcers.  The following questions are designed to see if your
personal traits are compatible with our philosophy.  Please answer the
following as honestly as possible.  Remember that there are no "wrong"
answers, but certain answers might get you killed.

a. 	Which most accurately describes your plans AFTER the Dark Lord
slaughters the Avatar of Light at Armageddon?
__ Revenge on hapless fools who crossed me.
__ Power, power, power!
__ Fawning adoringly at the feet of the Chosen Ones.
__ Replacing the Chosen Ones.
__ Perfecting baking recipes.

b. 	Which best describes your usual frame of mind?
__ Murderous
__ Scheming
__ Devious
__ Tenderhearted
__ Bootlicking
__ Seething
__ Plotting
__ Neighborly

c. 	Tell us about your mother.
__ Sweet
__ Dead (I killed her)
__ Mysterious
__ I'll tell you about my mother! (BLAM! BLAM!) 

7. 	Would you object to any of the following?
__ Working in close relationship with various subhuman beasts?
__ Working under potentially deranged Chosen Ones?
__ Giving up any relations or ties with the Knights or Knight satellite
programs, including but not restricted to the Knightettes of Legend and the
Ladies of the Light Dessert Club?

Please mail the form to the above address with a check for $35 and the head
of a Knight.  You should expect a response from the Dark Enforcers within
two to three weeks.  If your application is exceptional, you may be invited
to meet the Dark Lord himself at his luxurious abode in the Ninth Circle of
Hell.  If we find that you are not fit for service, please do not disclose
any of the information on this application to others; the Dark Enforcers
frown upon such behavior, and we will be forced to nail your tongue to the

Thank you for your interest!

        <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> 

Hatchet Burial at Sea: How the Arte of Pyracie was Nearley Lost Before a
Loyale Servante of Queene Pallas Reminded Her Captain What Pyracie Was

The flame-haired pirate lass stomped furiously back and forth in the
sea-cave, watching occasionally to see the progress of the approaching
vessel. With surprising speed, the Merchant's Bane arrived and her captain,
the captain of this whole lot of ruffians, disembarked. With no hesitation,
the wench drew her mighty blade and hollered in challenge to the one-legged,
one-eyed, one-handed man before her. They descended together into the dark
cave to discuss, privately, her concerns.

"You are destroying us, Captain. Piracy is dying in the wake of the new crew
you've taken on."

"I thought you mightn't like them. They are a new breed." her captain hissed
the words like venom.

"A new breed? We need no new breed, Captain. They are not pirates. They call
themselves Banzai and have you doing the same. What is a Banzai? Who ever
heard of a Dread Banzai?"

"I have to make the new crew feel welcome. They call themselves Banzai so I

"We are not Banzai! We are pirates, and they shall be pirates or they shall
not be among us! If they do not like our ways let them join the hundreds who
have fallen in our path. If they wish to be among us then they must be like
us! You've driven noble pirates away, starting with BaldEagle and
Sassafrass... and now me. If what you have become is what piracy is today
then I am ashamed to call myself a pirate. I'll take no command from you,
Captain, until you've convinced me that you remember history and tradition.
Remember what Captain Pallas started, and keep it as it should be. Pirates
have no friends but themselves."

The captain pondered for a long while before speaking. A very long while.
Then he spoke like a true pirate. A Dred Pyrat, in fact. "You are right. You
are once again my second-in-command. I have been foolish and hasty in seeking
new hands for our coming war with the Greeks. Why are we pyrats if we can not
count on each other?"

"That's right, Captain. It's a hard life, at sea, counting on only yourself,
that's why we joined forces with each other."

From a deep shadow in the cave stepped the former Pyrats, the disgruntled
BaldEagle and the more forgiving Sassafrass. The Captain welcomed them back
into the brotherhood of Piracy with open arms and a watchful eye, ejecting
the false pirates from the roster of friendlies. The true pirates were
together once again, united they set out to strike fear into the hearts of
all who sailed the seven seas uninvited.

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Legendary Times is published by the immortals of LegendMUD. Please send
all replies, additions, or corrections to our address at [email protected]
for inclusion in the next edition. We, however, reserve the right to
moderate this discussion, and may object to some submissions.
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