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  ............./      /            THE LEGENDARY TIMES
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  ...../                / /./       /./     /./  /.../  /./       /
  ..../                /_/..\______/./_____/./__/.../__/./_______/ MUD
  .../________________/       running on 9999 9999
VOLUME SEVEN, ISSUE FIVE                                February 4th, 2000

                            TABLE OF CONTENTS

                           Calendar of Events

                             NEWS & REPORTS

                             Expies Reminder    
                            RP Tips  Contest!
                              Did You Know?
                            Party Invitation
                           Imm Project Update
                       January Connection Analysis

                          The McDougan Report
                       Ripped from Yvonne's Diary
                   Vampire Chronicles: Don't Drink & Fight

___                                                                    ___
\  |------------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                    UPCOMING CALENDAR OF EVENTS                   |__\

          [All times are system time unless otherwise specified]

      <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>-February-<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>

     Saturday, February  5,                Expie Nominations Due!
                            1:00 pm        Imm/Mort Party!
     Thursday, February 10, 7:00 pm        Q & A in the OOC Auditorium
     Thursday, February 17, 7:00 pm        Q & A in the OOC Auditorium

___                                                                    ___
\  |------------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                          NEWS AND REPORTS                        |__\

                              Expies Reminder!

Send in your Expies nominations this week! They're due on Saturday, that's
tomorrow as of this writing. Nominations are our source for the Expies ballot
-- the method by which YOU select the winners in our annual awards ceremony.
Don't have that nominations ballot anymore? Just ask for one! Make your voice
heard -- send in your nominations today, to, *with a
legit character name at the top*!

                 - - - * * * Role Play Tips Contest * * * - - -

Got your attitude all sorted out? Know how to write really cool RP triggers
and when to use them? Manage to stay IC even when dying or DT'ing? In short,
think you really got it all down where it matters? This is your chance to
make something off your skills.

Not everyone is a role-play expert, and not everyone feel comfortable asking
more experienced role-players for tips and ideas. Now we're asking you to
write up your best tip and send it in for this contest. Describe your tip in
approx. 5-50 lines (please, no more, other people want to write in the LT
too!). Send it to The best three entries (judged by an
informal gathering of caffeine-overdosed immortals) will be rewarded a prize

Tips may include anything - a listing of your favorite role-play triggers -
how to introduce yourself to new people - how to keep game statistics and
data IC when discussing them - how to write up a cool description - how to
use moods and socials for maximum effect - you name it, we print it.


  /  _  \  DID YOU KNOW: Tips and tricks and little-used features
 /__/ \  \
      /  /  You can get immortal help with your weddings? All you
     /  /   need to do is pick a day and time. You can request one
    /__/    of us to officiate, consult with us on decorating and
    __      music selections, and of course prevails upon us for
   /  \     complimentary wedding rings. Talk to a PR imm and
   \__/     start planning your big day!

                           Party Invitation

Have you ever dined on jellyfish? Does the sound of baked field mouse with
bacon and honey make you drool? Do you experience thrills of joy at the
thought of sinking your teeth into an ape brain?

Of course these mouth-watering treats are getting your attention. I knew
they would. Do not miss the get-together in Aqua Sulis on Saturday,
February 5, at 1:00 pm system time. I will do my utmost best to treat you
to the finest of Roman delicacies - for while the Empire is falling apart
around us, we certainly still have its best recipes in memory!

Not only do you get to sample these exciting dishes - you may also have the
luck to run into one or more of the deities who have promised to attend.
And as we all know, you never know what happens when the gods decide to
show up in person and take a hand in the goings-on. Be there, or be a
painted smelly Pict!


          <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> 

                          Imm Project Update

Congratulations to Natalia on her promotion to full PR!

The immorting process: Zandy, Charity, Sandra, LadyAce, and Ea all worked on
revising the application documents. LadyAce worked on documentation for

Expies: Cheyla worked on tallying nominations.

Bugfixing: Snapper fixed evil thoughts. Huginn looked into some of the
problems presented by walls. Ea tracked down a few obscure bugs.

Skilltrees: This project is currently on hold for a few weeks, due to RL

PKOK: This project is still in progress, with a few issues remaining -- most
notably steal.

Area review: Cheyla did a lot of polishing on Alaska, preparing it for final
review. Kae fixed a few small things in Malta and prepared it for final

Help files: LadyAce worked on updating help immort, help lt, and help create

Events: Chimera ran his bug lotto and worked on Conundrums. LadyAce worked on
preparing things for Robert Burns Night. Natalia ran a trivia with a followup
flag hunt.

          <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> 

                   LegendMUD Connection Analysis

                     Peak Mortal Players 70
                       Average Peak was 53
                   Peak PK Enabled Players 17
           Pkenabled Characters represent approximately
                      17% of active players.

The first two tables below show the Average Mortal Players and Average
PK Enabled Players connected to Legend by hour of the day as polled
approximately on the hour system time during the period noted above.
The third table shows the same averages calculated by the day of week.

              hour  0  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9 10 11
              avg  45 43 39 35 31 25 18 19 18 21 23 26
              pke   7  7  6  4  4  3  2  2  1  2  3  4

              hour 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23
              avg  30 34 34 35 41 40 40 43 43 49 46 50
              pke   5  8  7  7  7  6  6  6  8 10  8  8

              day   MON  TUE  WED  THU  FRI  SAT  SUN
              avg    34   31   31   33   33   39   37
              pke     6    5    5    5    4    7    6

     -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|-

            /                        \
        o O | Wonder what folks are   |
  `\|||/    | doing over at LegendMUD?|
   (o o)    \________________________/
___                                                                    ___
\  |------------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|    LEGENDITES: Information Regarding the People of Our World     |__\

                          The McDougan Report

Och, sheemsh I mished Burnsh nicht, weel, heer at leasht.  Hed a guid
traditnal haggish wi' grated lung, heart, and liver.  Och aye!  Eenyway, hoop
ye enjoyed it.

Alsho mished a coople o' McDougan repeertsh.  Och, weel.  Back intae it.
Taeday'sh repeert ish oon Aginor and hish guppiesh.  He ish quite evil.
Givesh ye milk Een ushquebeg bottlesh.  Verr, verr, verr evil.  Och,
deshervesh a wee kick een the *Hic!*  Eenywee, guppiesh.

Guppiesh are a type o' wee fish.  They be dark in coolour shometimesh, and
theshe are wairshipped by Aginor and hish lot.  Shtreenge feeloosh.  They
shoomtimesh talk, but ne'er verr intelgently.  Coursh, shoom shay tha'
they're really oother fish-typesh.  Gooldfish, Angelfish, cauld fish,
anoother kettle o' fish.  I heer the Dark lord ish quite tashty fried and
battered, boot oonly tae *shpit* Nnnnnnglishmen.  The prefeered bait feer
catching guppiesh ish shtupidity.  Luresh them verr weel.

Alsho beware o' aither horrorsh.  Feer inshtanshe, wateer and coffee.  Mooch
mair shcary!  Och, I'll gae nnd hide oonder m'wifesh bed noo.  I'll pull it
o'er me wee gutter.  Hic!  


          <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> <-I-> 

                        Ripped from Yvonne's Diary

The scoop of the year! Our intrepid LT reporter Murray F. Napesenstein
managed to read a few pages of Yvonne's journal last night! We also regret to
report Murray's bizarre death at the hands of a ravenous twenty-foot tall
demon shortly after we went to press, but are confident that the events are

Dear Diary,

        What a day! I don't even know where to start. Well, I guess the
summoning would be a good place.

        The candles blew out as I completed the incantation. A
heart-piercing scream ripped through the air, startling me out of my
reverie. Crouched before me, red and awful, dripping with ichor, was my
        I call him Archie.
        It had worked. That was step one. I hadn't been sure which of my
powers I retained following my expulsion from Hell. I knew The Boss was
pissed, but surely he couldn't take away my means of making a living, could
He? Well, I could still summon him, but whether I could control him
remained to be seen.
        "Archie! Hey, get off the damn floor, I just washed."
        Slowly he stopped struggling against his bonds and turned his
baleful red gaze on me. "Oh, it's you again. Hello, morsel."
        "You mean mistress, don't you, Archie?" I spoke a word, and
electricity coursed through the pentagram. When he stopped thrashing, he
        "Sure thing, tidbit."
        Another word, and a thousand needles pierced his hide, ripping away
a pretty fair-sized chunk of it. It didn't improve his appearance any.
        "Alright, alright, lay off! Cripes."
        I fixed him with my nastiest stare. "Now, can we get down to business."
        "Sure...mistress. Shoot."
        This was the tricky part. If Archie realized how weak I was, he'd
probably burst his bonds and drag me screaming back down to the seventh
layer of Hell. I had to keep up appearances.
        "Archie, I need you to do something for me. You know that ring I
used to wear around, the gold one with the spider web engraved on it? I
need you to find that for me."
        He shrugged. "Easy enough. Sure thing. It'll probably take a few
days. And then of course, there is the nasty business of payment..."
        I grimaced. I'd always hated this part. As I unsheathed the knife,
it seemed to twist in my hand, straining towards blood. I drew the blade
across my hand, and bit my lip as knife bit deep. As the knife cut me, it
seemed to swell and engorge, and the blade took on a faint reddish sheen.
When it was done, I looked at my hand. There, next to the others, was a
perfectly straight white line. Although the cuts would not scar, the mark
would remain forever with me as a reminder of the powers with which I
consort. And my horoscope told me to stop summoning demons, too.
        I passed the knife to Archie, who drew the blade across his own
hand. The knife shrank, disgorging my blood into Archie's veins. When he
passed it back, it was once again a seemingly normal knife, although it had
this smug, satisfied feeling to it.
        "Thanks a lot, boss, that was great. Guess I'll be going then."
        I began to turn away, thankful that all had gone well.
        "Hey, boss? One more thing."
        I turned back.
        "Um, I know what happened. About you losing the immortality and all
that. All us guys do."
        I'd never felt so sick in my life. "So...why didn't you-"
        "Kill you?" He interrupted. "Well, we all thought about it at
first. But, see, we all sorta liked you. And then there was the bet."
        "All of us demons are betting you wind up getting your powers back.
The succubi don't believe it, but we're all for you. If they win, we have
to clean their apartments for a month. And, uh, heh, I bet you can guess
what they give us if we win."
        Succubi. Bah, I always hated those silly sluts.
        "So anyway, boss, we've all agreed to help you however we can."
        I nodded, pretty much too shocked to say anything.
        "Hey, boss, one more thing. Please, for Hell's sake, stop calling
me Archie?"
        The candles blew out in a rush of sulfurous wind, and when I could
see again, he was gone.

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - (Sponsored by) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
   |   /\   /\                                                            |
   |  /  \ /  \                                   If there are wedding    | 
   | /_/ \_/ \_\ URIEL's                          bells in your future,   |
   |               BRIDAL BOUTIQUE                shop Muriel's first!    |
   |                                                                      |
   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - -

                     Vampire Chronicles: Don't Drink & Fight

It had been quite some time since I had prowled the halls of the dun in Tara.
(I have lately been keeping to myself and my research, feeding only when
necessary and then only on the clan hall's reserves). So as I began my feast
by sucking the blood out of the 'guard' of the dun, I was reminded of the
sweetness that I had been missing in my diet. It was representative of how I
remember the blood of Tara; thick with sweet protiens and animal fat, rich in
minerals and subtly accented by a slight gaminess. Indeed, Tika bought her
protection when she began feeding the people of Tara!

After draining the gaurd, I quickly moved into the kitchen of the dun, where
the cook was busy as ever making a cake or some such nonsense.  She never
knew what hit her as I quickly desicated her corporeal form.  Ahh the
refreshing effects of blood! My senses came ever more alive. The colors
seemed brighter, sounds seemed clearer, and in general I felt YEARS younger!

Well, it was then that I figured that if two feedings made me feel this good,
then three or four more should do me nicely.  But who?  Then I remembered
that Cian's blood is always so rich and complex, well fed as he is.  He and
the Queen always provide that refined combination of flavors that is only
found in those able to afford the delicacies of their time.

In my haste leaving the kitchen, I tipped over the bottle of sherry that was
sitting on the kitchen island.  It seemed to the floor in slow motion, and
the sound of its shattering rang in my ears like an the tinklings of a
thousand sprite bells. Although, I must admit that by the time it hit the
floor, I was already up the stairs and stalking Cian!

Things starting getting wierd when I was sneaking up on him. My natural 
grace left me, and I tripped over my own feet, causing me to crash into him 
and bite him on some place I would rather not mention. Understandably, this 
angered him and he quickly countered my sloppy attack and sent me flying 
with a bash. He was really giving me a fight! I knew that I would have to 
use my Gae-Bolg, meaning that my meal would spill all over the flagstone of 
the hallway.  Despite my pathetic jump, I felt strangely invigorated; alive 
and strong. Yet for some reason Cian was somehow dodging my best moves! Then 
it became apparent that the harder I tried, the more I stumbled, missed, and 
massacred myself with my own blade.

Surely magic was the cause of this, but WHO? Cian isn't exactly known for his
abilities in the arts....BUT how? My thinking was slow and cloudy and I fled
for safety, which happened to be back in the kitchen where the dead cook's
body lay limply on the floor next to the remains of an empty sherry bottle.
GADS! I fed on a drunk cook! Normally, feeding on a drunken sot would have
little effect on me, but the cook probably weighed 3 times as much as
wonder I couldn't walk straight. My relief was short lived however, as Cian
quickly found me and resumed his imitation of a deadly and fully automated
death machine.  It was at this point that something truely strange happened.
It was as if I lost all connection with my body, as if I was floating outside
of myself, I remember thinking and yelling for myself to kick there and choke
that.  But no matter how hard I tried, time had stood still. I could only
hope that when time resumed its march toward death that I would still be
alive, but to be honest I had considerable doubts.

Then, after what seemed an eternity, I was once again back inside myself, and
to my relief I was looking down at the corpse of both the cook and Cian!
Blood was wastingly all over the place, and I realized that a lot of that
blood was my own. I was still bleeding, from multiple and various locations -
the worst of which was the scarlet river that was springing from my left
side). I felt as though my handhold in this world was slipping and surely I
must of been within the merest of distances from stepping to the afterlife.
With last of my strength, I shoved a bandage into the worst of my wounds,
hoping it would plug the wound. The pain was horrific, and in fact, so
intense that I lost consciousness.

I wish I could say that my last thought was my friends and family, but 
really all I could think of was that Vampires weren't supposed to die like 
this. I mean getting hunted my hordes of mortals waving pitch forks and 
torches has a certain flare to it, a drama and grace if you will. But 
NOOOO, I was dying in puddle of my own blood, on the floor of a ordinary 
kitchen! Where is the dignity in that?

Anyways, since you are reading my memiors, I obviously I managed to survive,
I have no idea how though. Maybe some helpful soul wandered upon my broken
shell and administered first aid. Furthermore, I have no more understanding
of my untimely out of body experience that almost sent me to the final death.
Perhaps it was an hallucination inspired my the potent blood of the cook. But
regardless, I am grateful to have regained my vampiric health. In return for
my new lease on life, I would like to warn everyone, undead and alive alike,
of the dangers associated with drinking and fighting. Remember, friends
don't let friends die, even if they are already undead!

Phraek, the Hanged Man

Legendary Times is published by the immortals of LegendMUD. Please send
all replies, additions, or corrections to our address at
for inclusion in the next edition. We, however, reserve the right to
moderate this discussion, and may object to some submissions.
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